A few weeks ago, I was at an ordination and greeted two friends of a church I used attend. We chatted and at some point they asked about Community of Grace. I told them it had shut down. What I never said was that I was a bit rankled at them because when the church was still in existence, I had asked them for to serve on a group that would help guide the new church and I never heard a response.
A few weeks later, I met two friends who also wondered about the church. Again I told them the church was no more.
I still mourn the closure of the church, it feels like a death in the family. But I also feel a sense of anger, because I felt that many of the people who ask about the church never helped us when we needed it. I get angry because it would have been nice had people visited the church or let me know they were praying for us. It would have been nice to receive some love from people when we felt at our lowest. But we never did receive that. And it irks me when they ask how the church is doing. Maybe it's my (supposed) Asperger's but when someone asks how is the church, I would expect them to actually give a damn and not just be doing small talk.
I would love to try again, because Community of Grace was left undone. But do I want to be placed in that position again? Then there is trying to get people to help plant the church and well, that's been a bust.
It's hard, I have this passion to try to do something new, to plant a church with others, but it seems everyone around me only wants to be taken care of. God forbid, we should take the gospel seriously.
Maybe it's time to just give up. I don't know.
For some reason, this reminds me of a certain song by Keith Green.