A while back, I got an email from someone. He had mentioned that I had expressed an interest in house churches and he was also interested. In the end, we realized we weren't interested in the same things. Tim, who I now consider a friend, had grown up in the Lutheran church and wanted to try a "liberal" house church. I can understand, so I am hoping he can get this thing off the ground. One of the sticking points is that he wants to have a big worship service every once in a while and I wanted something more regular.
I mean, I never seem to meet people around here who have a passion for new churches and people whose passion is worship. I seem to meet people who don't have that same passion that I have. Maybe God is telling me something; maybe it's time to put this new church thing aside.
But the other thing is do I have to give up my love for worship? That's been something I've loved since I was a little kid. I feel that I meet a lot of people in some settings that don't have that as their passion. And I can't seem to find a faith community where I feel free design and create worship opportunities. The best thing that I loved about Community of Grace was being able to create and participate in worship experiences. Now that Community of Grace is gone, I don't have the opportunity. I mean, I have helped in planning on occasion, but not at the level that I once did.
I don't know if I will ever find a place where I can be at home and use the gifts God gave me. I want to believe that something big will happen that will provide direction in my call, but what if it doesn't? There are times that I wonder if God is playing a big trick on me. I don't think it's true, but I do wonder if God is up there looking down at me and saying "sucker."
Okay, that's a bit harsh. But it's frustrating to have this desire to ministry and not finding a place and in some cases not even feeling wanted. That's another story.
Cheerful thoughts on a Thursday....