I've been in a funk today.
I was a bit frustrated trying to upload a short video I did on the webcam. I guess it's too big to upload or this is one of those problems faced by those who have Windows Vista.
But the larger problem was dealing with my call. I feel like I;m on the edge of trying this church start thing again...and then I hesitate. What if I fail all over again? Do I really have the skills to do this? If I am called to do this, then why is no one wanting to follow along and help? Am I really a worthwhile pastor? If church planting isn't for me, then what is?
It's enough to put me in a tailspin and feel like the situation is hopeless, and it has.
As I wander in this time of transition, something that I've noticed is that I am a better second fiddle than I am leader of the band. Does this mean I should consider being an Associate somewhere?
I don't know. What I do know is that at least today, I feel very lost and alone and wondering if my call will ever be fully realized.