I've come to realize something about myself: that I like to fix things.
No, I am not talking about fixing something around the house, but I want to fix problems that people or churches are facing. I see something wrong or someone in pain and I feel compelled to do something to stop whatever is going wrong in their lives.
Just today, I wanted to offer a solution to stop something from happening. If this problem isn't "fixed" then someone will have to leave their job, something that they love. I don't want to see them leave, and want to do something to stop it. My partner, Daniel, asked some questions that made my perfect plan of fixing the issue go up in smoke. I was mad because I was afraid that if nothing was done, then this person would leave and things would go to hell.
And maybe they will. And maybe that's not a bad thing.
I've been thinking lately that maybe, things have to fall apart at times, that things have to "die" for change to happen. It's kind of like an alcoholic hitting bottom.
In a way, I've been an enabler, trying to keep something broken running along. Maybe it needs to fall apart because it's broken anyway.
And yet, that's hard. You don't want to see someone in pain, as this community will be when this person that has been so intergral to their life leaves. But sometimes, pain can be good. Sometimes hitting rock bottom can be good, because all the illusions we had are stripped away. We now have to deal with reality.
So what does this have to do with things religious? Well, I don't Jesus came to "fix" things. He came to save us, which doesn't mean protect us, but heal us. That means we have to realize that we are broken to begin with. Things are not okay.
I think I have a lot more to contemplate on this issue of fixing and healing. More to come later.