God With Us

This has been a hard weekend for me emotionally. I've been trying to figure out a lot of things about my vocation. Come September, I will have been an ordained minister in the Christian Church (Disciples of Christ) for five years. It hasn't been a easy five years. I think for quite sometime, I've been trying to find ways to be useful. I think I have done a lot of good, and yet there is this sense that I am not working at my full potential.

Add to this, is all the struggles concerning Community of Grace, the new church start. I feel pulled between wanting to continue this venture and feeling tired and bitter at how things have gone so far. There is something of a seed in this venture that I keep feeling has to germinate. While people have left, there have been others that have expressed interest. Jim, the one person who has stayed with the church and feels it should stay open has been a beacon of faith, I just wish I had the faith he had.

I'm starting to think a lot of my frustration concerning Community of Grace comes from not praying. Now, I'm not saying prayer is magic, but I think that I got so involved in doing God's work, that I forgot God- I wasn't running on God's power.

So, I am trying to pray more regularly and read Scripture. One of the themes that has been running in life (God must be trying to say something)is this feeling that God is always with us. Today, I read this psalm from the Daily Lectionary:

Psalm 117:1-2
1Praise the LORD, all you nations!

Extol him, all you peoples!

2For great is his steadfast love towards us,

and the faithfulness of the LORD endures for ever.

Praise the LORD!

God's steadfast love is always with us. The psalm never said that God will solve our problems, but that God is always with us. Now, I would love if God would solve my dilema. I wish that more people would come to CoG. I wish that I could feel more fulfulled as a pastor. But I might have to deal with those things for the time being. What matters is that God is with me. I'm not alone.

God at times likes to speak in the form of musical showtunes. I'm not joking. For some reason, the song "For Now" is resonating in my head. It comes from the musical"Avenue Q," which is kind of Sesame Street meets South Park. The song talks about the fact that we may never get what we want out of life, but all things, good and bad, only last a while. In the end, we need not take life so seriously and enjoy what we have.

God is with us. Life may never be what we want, but God always there. And maybe I need to learn to not take church or being pastor so seriously. Enjoy what I have...for now.

Oh yeah, here are the lyrics:

PRINCETON:
Why does everything have to be so hard?

GARY COLEMAN:
Maybe you'll never find your purpose.

CHRISTMAS EVE:
Lots of people don't.

PRINCETON:
But then- I don't know why I'm even alive!

KATE MONSTER:
Well, who does, really?
Everyone's a little bit unsatisfied.

BRIAN:
Everyone goes 'round a little empty inside.

GARY COLEMAN:
Take a breath,
Look around,

BRIAN:
Swallow your pride,

KATE MONSTER:
For now...

BRIAN, KATE, GARY, CHRISTMAS EVE:
For now...

NICKY:
Nothing lasts,

ROD:
Life goes on,

NICKY:
Full of surprises.

ROD:
You'll be faced with problems of all shapes and sizes.

CHRISTMAS EVE:
You're going to have to make a few compromises...
For now...

TREKKIE MONSTER:
For now...

ALL:
But only for now! (For now)
Only for now! (For now)
Only for now! (For now)
Only for now!

LUCY:
For now we're healthy.

BRIAN:
For now we're employed.

BAD IDEA BEARS:
For now we're happy...

KATE MONSTER:
If not overjoyed.

PRINCETON:
And we'll accept the things we cannot avoid, for now...

GARY COLEMAN:
For now...

TREKKIE MONSTER:
For now...

KATE MONSTER:
For now...

ALL:
But only for now! (For now)
Only for now! (For now)
Only for now! (For now)
Only for now!

Only for now!
(For now there's life!)
Only for now!
(For now there's love!)
Only for now!
(For now there's work!)
For now there's happiness!
But only for now!
(For now discomfort!)
Only for now!
(For now there's friendship!)
Only for now (For now!)
Only for now!

Only for now! (Sex!)
Is only for now! (Your hair!)
Is only for now! (George Bush!)
Is only for now!

Don't stress,
Relax,
Let life roll off your backs
Except for death and paying taxes,
Everything in life is only for now!

NICKY:
Each time you smile...

ALL:
...Only for now

KATE MONSTER:
It'll only last a while.

ALL:
...Only for now

PRINCETON:
Life may be scary...

ALL:
...Only for now
But it's only temporary

Ba-dum ba-dum
Ba-dum ba-dum
Ba dum ba-dum
Ba-da da da da
ba-da da-da da da-da
Ba-dum ba-da, ba-dum ba-da
ohhhh-

PRINCETON:
Everything in life is only for now.

-Music and Lyrics by Robert Lopez and Jeff Marx.