Friday, June 05, 2009

Here Am I...Send Me?

I get to preach this Sunday.

The Senior Pastor, Bob, is away so, I'm up at bat. It's interesting that one of the passages that I will preach on is Isaiah 6:1-8, than ends with the words, "Here am I...send me."

Those words are also part of the famous hymn, "Here I Am Lord."

What's fascinating in that passage is how the writer felt "unclean" and not able to do what God was asking of them.

That sounds so familiar.

In the year since I was diagnosed with Aspergers, I've realized there are certain things that I can't do, like be a Senior Pastor. There have been times I've wondered if someone with Aspergers could even be a pastor, but I've decided that God tends to call some strange people to do God's work, so I've decided to stick around.

But then I wonder about other things. First Christian is at an odd place in its history where it is trying to transform itself. We are trying to find ways to see more people enter our doors. I'm always brimming with crazy ideas, and starting an alternative worship service has been in the back of my mind. In some ways, that would be old territory to me, since that's what I did back during the Community of Grace days. But then I remember why Community of Grace didn't do so well...because you need someone that can sell it and be the social butterfly and because of the Aspergers, I am not that. Yeah, put me in front and I can plan a good service, but to tell others about it? That doesn't work out so well.

But then in the Isaiah passage, God asks one of the angels to come by and place a hot coal on the tounge of the writer making him clean and able to say "Here I am, send me." Maybe I just have to trust that God will help me do my task. It might come in the form of someone who is a good with people who can team up with me. Who knows.

It reminds me again, that I just have to be faithful and realize that things are all on me. God can use my skills and gifts (if using Twitter and Facebook can be considered gifts) and can use someone else to use their skills of socializing for God's purpose.

Being an aspie means there will always be things I can't do as well as others. But with God all things are possible and God can use me, the way I am, to fulfill God's purpose.

So, God: Here I am...send me.

1 comment:

Danny Bradfield said...

Every once in awhile, I notice something about myself, and think that perhaps it's more than just a personality thing. Reading your blog, and other material (like the books of Daniel Tammet, which I recommend), has caused me to question whether or not I have at least a touch of Asperger's in me. It may not be diagnose-able, but maybe somewhere on the edge of the spectrum.

Anyway, I just wanted to let you know that I spent some time reading through some of your older posts, and wanted to say thank you for sharing your thoughts. I have a feeling that expressing yourself through your blog is helping you understand yourself a little better, but I think it helps readers of your blog (like myself) understand themselves better, too.

And I can't wait to see the movie "Adam." It comes out at the end of July ... perhaps it will be playing in Indy?