Thursday, April 09, 2009

I Don't Like Change.

I got a call today that just bugged me. It was from the admin of a center that helps pastors deal with vocation issues. Part of the thing here is that you have to spend a day and a half away from work at this center taking different psychological tests.

That part alone bugs me, because it means that I have to be taken away from my routine, which is to go to work. In fact, it could be why I have delayed making an appointment.

Change has always been rough for me. Shortly after my diagnosis, my partner got a call from his brother indicating that his wife was in labor. Daniel was happy and ready to head back to Fargo. I was initially freightened. We had just come back from the North Dakota the night before and I had planned my day at work and now this was all being thrown out. After I calmed down, we were able to head out to Fargo.

So, back to this appointment. I also have to take some tests prior to going and I guess some of them have to be taken at the center before the other testing days. So, not only do I have to be away from my routine for two days, but I have to take another day away and most of all no one told me about this.

I know that I probably sounded pissed when I chatted over the phone and I was. For those who aren't autistic, this is probably a no-brainer, but for someone like me, it can send me through the roof. I have to learn to calm myself down and not get so upset.

Change of course is a part of life, but it isn't easy for me. Several years ago I my roomate and best friend started dating a guy that became his husband. It really bothered me, not out of jealousy, but because everything changed. We had bought a house together and I had that planned in my mind, and we had a history of hanging out together and then all that changed. He wasn't around to go places or to go grocery shopping or things like that and I was just bereft.

My partner sometimes says "I am getting ready to do something spontaneous." It's sounds silly, but at least then I can deal and prepare for change.

But that's not how life operates all the time.

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