For a while, I've been struggling with the idea of talking about Aspergers on this blog since it's supposed to be the blog where I talk about faith and being a pastor and all that. Maybe it's seeing all the other pastor types who have blogs that are talking about all these weighty theological things, and here I am talking about how I hate to use the phone or why I have to use lists to remember to call my parents or get a card for Daniel.
But the thing is, my journey with Aspergers IS tied up with my vocation. Some of the slip-ups that happened early on in my call were the result of missing social cues from others- well, that and basically dealing with some people who were complete a-holes.
And frankly, one of the things that I've noticed from pastors is that we rarely share what is going on with us. I have seen pastors who were dealing with depression and they never were willing to admit it to themselves, let alone the congregation. For some reason, pastors seem to think that they have to be perfect and never share their own hurts and weaknesses.
On a few occasions, I've shared with people in the congregation that I have Aspergers. It's not that I want to get sympathy. But part of me wants to share that this is who I am: an openly gay pastor who also has an autistic disorder. No hiding, no pretending that somehow I am some religious superhero.
I'm not defective, I just operate on a different frequency than others.
So, I guess I will keep talking about Aspergers and being a pastor. It's who I am.