Robot Love

Someone at church alerted me to this recent article in the New York Times about a man with Aspergers and his wife and how they try to make their marriage work. It reminded me of the common frustrations that Daniel has to deal with concerning little ole me. Marrying someone with Aspergers can be a chore. I think any neurotypical person who is in a relationship with someone who has Aspergers has to be a saint to put up with our quirks.

But I think in the end, it's worth it for them. Recently, Daniel was dealing with a bug. He was home resting and in his usual Norwegian fashion, acting like he could handle this on his own. I realized he needed to take something for this illness and went to Target and got him the medicine he needed. When I came home, he said he needed said medicine and that I needed to go and get some. I handed him the pills. For Daniel this was wonderful. It showed that I cared. For me, it was simply assessing the situation: Daniel was ill. This medicine would help. I will get the medicine so that when he is ready, it is available.

Simple and logical.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that while we are not the most attentive persons in the world and can get on their nerves, we Aspies can be effective lovers, even if it is a bit robotic.

But neurotypicals help learn to be more empathic. Daniel has helped me understand the joys of life and is willing to get me out of my ruts. It's scary, but in the end, I'm glad when he has done it.

Marriage can be quite an adventure, huh?

New Movie About an Aspie in Love

It looks like there is an indie movie coming out this summer about a young man with Aspergers who falls in love with a young woman. It's called Adam and below is the film trailer:



It looks good. I will definitely be looking for it come the summertime.

Tempted to Torture

Lutheran pastor and blogger Mark Daniels expresses his outrage at a recent Pew Forum Survey that showed that a majority of churchgoers tend to support torture. In trying to understand why so many Christians would be willing to accept such a barborous act, he look to the Pharisees:

While there are more than a few preachers whose "theology" contains jingoistic nationalism and spiritual arrogance, many churchgoers, I'll bet, adopt such ideas, including the acceptance of torture, in spite of what they're being told at their local church...

...The inescapable conclusion is that many churchgoers aren't especially engaged in their faith. They're like the Pharisees of Jesus' day, people with whom Jesus often tangled. The Pharisees were, in many ways, laudable people. They were regular in worship, scrupulous about keeping religious law.

But Jesus called them whitewashed tombs. In spite of the insistence of the Old Testament that God loved his people as a matter of divine choice (grace) that should evoke faith, they turned faith into a legal transaction. God was whittled down to the size of the local peddler. "If I perform these religious duties, God must accept me," was the implicit notion of the Pharisees. When a person starts to think that they can deal on an equal footing with God, humility goes. So does a sense of humanity.

We have modern day Pharisees in our churches. They sing, "Amazing grace, how sweet the sound that saved a wretch like me/I once was lost, but now am found; was blind, but now I see." But for too many, those have become mere words and what they really believe is, "How good I am and how clever of me to be moral, upstanding churchperson and how right I am to condemn others and make them tow the line." The actual teaching and preaching they hear is just background noise.

The existence of boastful Phaisaism in the modern US church must be one of the poisonous springs from which "Christian" acceptance of torture emanates.

I have to say that while I was just as shocked as Daniels about the casual acceptance of torture in our nation's churches, I found his answer wanting if not a tad bit condescending.

I think there are many people in our pews that do think torture is okay. But I also think that this tends to sadly reflect our culture. I would bet that a lot of Americans would think back to 9/11 and think that that it's okay since they hurt us first.

I remember having an email conversation a few years ago with a person who also happened to be Lutheran. When we got to the issue of torture, he basically said that it was okay since they hurt us in 2001.

It would be easy for me or others to simply say that they people are "whitewashed tombs" to condemn them for having such thoughts and to tell them to get right. But there is something within me that doesn't think that's the right approach.

Part of the problem here is that most Americans, even most who go to church tend to believe in a theology that says if you are good, you go to heaven, and if you are bad, you get punished. It's a natural theology that I think is part of the culture. So if you look at this in regards to torture, then people are thinking that these people are getting their just desserts. For many, September 11 is still a very real issue one that they can feel at a visceral level.

The other thing is that more often than not, the issues like war or torture tend to be "shouting" issues, things that are preached but not necessairly reasoned with. Read any blog these days and you get more people yelling at each other and clothing themselves with righteousness than in trying to handle some hard questions.

Part of the task of Christianity is to foster the countercultural values of Jesus. I think part of that task is to reason why torture is wrong. But it even has to be more than that. It has to be done in the context of 9/11 not as some hypothetical issue. Many of us who oppose the use of torture tend to act as if September 11 never happened. It becomes an abstract exercise. The average joe in the pews IS thinking about 9/11 and hence, his support for torture. We have to explain, with the memories of that dreadful day in September in the back of our minds, that it is still wrong. As religious leaders, we have to be able to feel the anger and still say with every moral fiber that it is still wrong and here is why. We have to be willing to feel the temptation to hurt our enemy and yet rebuke Satan the same way Christ did in the desert.

Maybe it seems silly to have to teach people that torture is wrong, but that's the world we live in. It's the way of the world. In the Beatitudes, Jesus begins every sentence with "You have heard it said." That's the way things have been and will always be. All of us are swayed by that reasoning. To get to "but I say to you" means having to be taught. Daily. Again and again.

It is dissapointing to see that many American Christians support torture, but that only means that I need to try harder. It is not a time for condemning, but a time to gird our loins and keep teaching.

Eight Ways to Be A Missional Christian

A question I hear a lot at church is how we can invite people to church when all of the people around them already go to church? I've been trying to think of an answer and I've found one and boy what an answer:

Missional is not an event we tack onto our already busy lives. It is our life. Mission should be the way we live, not something we add onto life: “As you go, make disciples….”; “Walk wisely towards outsiders”; “Let your speech always be seasoned with salt”; “be prepared to give a defense for your hope”.

The writer then proceeds to share eight easy ways any of us can just be missional. Read it and be amazed.

Sunday Sermon- April 26, 2009

“So, Why did the Republican Buy a Prius?”

Genesis 1:1-25, John 1:1-14

Earth Stewardship Sunday

April 26, 2009

First Christian Church (Disciples of Christ)

Minneapolis, MN

It was on a Friday night twenty years ago, that I went to conference at a Lutheran church in Lansing, Michigan. I was a junior in college and part of a Baptist college group which had arrange for me and for others to attend this meeting. The subject of the event was a seminar on creation and evolution, or more to the point, how evolution was a lie that was designed to bring about a “liberal agenda” and that what happened in Genesis 1 , that God created in the earth in six, 24 hour days- really happened. They tried to use scientific means to try to prove this.

I didn’t know what to believe back then. I didn’t wholeheartedly accept what they were peddaling, but I knew that Genesis 1 was true to me.

Six months later, a few of my friends went down to a park in Lansing where there was an Earth Day celebration. It was the 20th anniversary of the first Earth Day in 1970, and being that I had an interest in caring for the environment, I went. I can say that I had a good time at that event, though I wasn’t planning on joining the people who dressed like hippies or were vegetarians.

Those two experiences left me wondering how one can be a Christian and care for the environment. I thought it was important, but people around me thought the environmental movement was filled with people who would take one away from God. I didn’t really buy that, but I didn’t see many people trying to connect our faith in God with love for God’s world.

Two decades later and we see that my question has been answered. We are honoring God’s creation today in worship and accross the nation and around the world, people of faith come together to seek ways to respect Creation.

But there is still a lot to do. The church needs to be a force that reminds the world that this is God’s world and we repent and change our ways.

But to do that, we need to understand why this is an issue of faith. Genesis 1 is perhaps one of the most well known texts, and yet it is the most misunderstood. For some, it is considered a true telling of how the world came to be. They treat it as science. Others see it as a silly tale that gets in the way of the real science. Now, I don’t think first chapter of Genesis is a scientific fact. It just isn’t. But if we are followers of Jesus, we can’t ignore either. So, then what does this passage have to say to us? What does it have to say about caring for the environment?

What Genesis 1 and John 1 for that matter, is that God created this world around us. At the beginning of time, before there was even a world that existed, God was there and God started creating. In one of the stories in the Chronicles of Narnia by C.S. Lewis, Aslan, the mighty lion which represents God, creates Narnia, by singing. Science and evolution has its place in describing how the world came into being, but this story is a poem, a love song that shows how God lovingly creates the stars, the seas and the animals. This isn’t some scientific text, but a love note. When we read this text, we are reminded that God loves the world, the whole world. This is what Genesis 1 says, “I am love with you.”

You see that behind me, there is a cross with flowers on it. The flowering of the cross is an ancient Easter tradition. It symbolizes life coming from death. Easter isn’t simply about Jesus coming back from the dead. It is about the healing of all of creation. Jesus, the Son of Man, which in Hebrew is adam, which is in itself a taken from the Hebrew word adamah or earth, is the one that not only brings humanity and God back together though his life,death and ressurection, but he heals the rift brought on by the first Adam, when he and Eve decided that those apples on that Tree of Life would mae a good apple pie. Jesus, Adamah, heals creation. The curse of the first Adam is gone.

So what does this have to do with us and the environment? Well, it’s this: if God created this world in love, if God in Jesus lived, died and rose again to heal creation, then what is our response?

When people start to talk about the environment, one can at times feel a sense of dread. Someone that is shaming us for not paying attention to the environment and urging us to give up our 21 century lifestyles to go off and live in the woods.

I can understand that people want to highlight the importance of caring for the earth and because of growing problems like global warming, but I don’t think we should be urged to do good by being made to feel guilty. I think we should do things out of joy and not simply obligation.

So, how do we as Christians care for the environment. With joy! We do this, because God created the world in love. We were created in love. And in response, we love God back by caring for that which God made in love. It’s that simple.

Now, to do this, you don’t need to go and live in the woods eating nuts and berries. It’s simple little things that can make a big impact and can be a love letter to God. It might be using a cloth shopping bag, or a compact flourescent light bulb, or using cleaning supplies that are less harmful on the environment. There is a lot more one can do, but this is a small way of showing love to God and to God’s world. Think of it as a love letter back to God.

One of those “little things” include buying fuel efficient cars which leads me to that sermon title. Ummm, well I’m the guy that drives the Prius and yes, I am the Republican as well. I didn’t bring up my political persuasion to endorse a candidate or to make you all vote a certain way, but to prove a point: caring for the environment is not a hippy liberal thing. It is not as the man at the seminar twenty years ago believed a way to bring on some wacky left wing agenda. No, caring for the environment is a moral and spiritual issue. We can disagree on how to best deal with it in our halls of government, but we as followers of Jesus, it is our issue. This is our God’s world to not care for it, to not acknowledge God’s love of all of creation is....well it’s being an ingrate. God has shown God’s love for us and when we don’t honor God’s creation, we spurn God’s love.

Can one be a Christian and care for the earth? Well, if you have to ask...

Thanks be to God, for the sun and the moon and the trees and the mountains and all of God’s creation. Amen.

Is Autism a Difference or Disorder?

Blogger Freddie DeBoer busts a gut today in explaining that autism is not a difference, but a disorder that needs to be cured. Here is just a sample:

Let’s not mince words: autism is not just a difference. Autism is not a category of diversity that has to be respected. Autism is a disorder, one which medical science should work towards curing. If you’d like to use the more inflammatory language, rather than cure, we can use “eliminate”. Autism has debilitating effects on many that have it, often with profound negative consequences for learning, self-control, communication, and the restraint of physical violence. I cannot personally comprehend the emotional toll of dealing with autism in a family– nor can I understand the depth and love found within the relationships between families with autistic members. The value of autistic people or the relationships austic people have are unquestionable. Who would want to question such things? But there is something wrong, and deeply sad, in eliding a love and respect for the people and relationships that are affected by autism into a respect for the disorder. Autistic people are beautiful. Autism is not beautiful.

Like Mr. De Boer, there was a part of me that used to not like the whole "differently abled" tag. And I don't necessarily have a problem with the word "disabled" if it means that people have lost the function of their legs or body. But that said, since I discovered that I have Aspergers, which is on the autism spectrum, I have had less desire to see myself as "broken" and in need of a cure. I don't think that I need to be cured as much as accomodated. I would tend to see it as a disorder, but one that has to be managed, not "cured."

What bothers me is that DeBoer doesn't seem to acknowledge that there are people with autism that are living full lives as adults. There are negative consquences, but there are also positive ones as well (witness Temple Grandin).

Frankly, I wished DeBoer would have chatted with people who have autism instead of making these sweeping assumptions.

I am curious what others think. How would you respond?

Donkeys, Elephants and the Body of Christ

As many of you know, I work full time for the Presbytery of the Twin Cities Area as their communications person. It's from here that I can observe another denomination as it makes it way trying to follow God. What has been so interesting is seeing how people in the denomination sort themselves into affinity groups; conservatives joining groups like the Presbyterian Coalition and liberals joining groups like the Covenant Network. In some way, there is very little talking between the two groups. Even the churches are sorted into liberal and convervative churches with very few in the middle.

I could be all smug and say that we Disciples aren't like that, but then I'd be lying which is a bad thing. In fact in many cases, Christians are starting to mirror the wider culture in that we have sorted ourselves into places where we are with other like minded people. That's something that bothers me for several reasons.

One reason is that as mainline Protestant churches become more politically liberal, I find myself more and more of an outlier because my politics tend to skew right of center. In the olden days, I would have been called a Rockefeller Republican, and for the most part I tend to vote Republican with exceptions. But the churches where I have worshipped and worked at tend to skew left of center and tend to be vocal about it, which can make me feel uncomfortable.

But if you think I'm going to flee into the arms of a more conservative church, you would be wrong. Since I am openly gay, and most conservative churches don't like that, I don't think I'm going to be darkening their doors anytime soon. And to be honest the mainline churches do have some good points, if they would just stop making me feel I've just attended an Obama rally.

No, I want to remain in the mainline church because I want to be a witness for true diversity, to really reflect the body of Christ. I hear a lot of talk in the churches about community and diversity, but if everyone around you thinks the same and has a similar lifestyle, I don't know how diverse we really can be. Maybe I'm being an idealist, but I really believe we are called to be an example to the world, and in such a world as ours that is so divided, we need an example of people who might not always get along- well, getting along as sisters and brothers in Christ.

Presbyterian blogger Michael Kruse has been doing a series based on the book the Big Sort, by Bill Bishop. In this book (which I have yet to read) Bishop notes that over the last 40 years or so, America has been sorting itself ideologically, with liberals congregating in one place and conservatives in another and really never communicating with each other. In a post today, Kruse focuses on the church and how we tend to segregate. Kruse is focusing on the religious left, but one could say the same of religious conservatives. This is his note on mainline congregations:

Many (mainline churches)now gather around a collection of social justice causes (with politically left solutions), gay inclusion, or being green. I find that many of these congregations and their denominations hold themselves out to be ecumenical and to be seeking diversity, yet the only partners they seek out are those who also share these values and share a similar politically left orientation toward societal transformation. Ironically, embrace of “ecumenism” and “diversity” has become one more social segment around which to create a politically left homogenous community. And not being politically left means (in their eyes) you are opposed to God’s mission of societal transformation.

“Churches were once built around a geographic community, [Martin] Marty said. Now they are constructed around similar lifestyles.” (173) Bishop points to Martin Luther King’s observation that 11 o’clock on Sunday morning is the most racially segregated hour of the week and declares that now it is also the most politically segregated as well. He isn’t suggesting that most people look for a political position held by the congregation but rather they are looking for a church that comports will with their lifestyle; and political views correlate highly with lifestyle factors.

I think Kruse is correct here. I remember back in the 80s when some evangelical churches started bill themselves as "conservative." Now we see mainline congregations using words like "progressive" or "liberal." In short the church has followed politics: with "red" and "blue" churches.

But if churches are no more than extensions of the current red-blue split, then what is our witness in the world? Does the church become nothing more than a cheerleader or chaplain for their respective teams? Are we just enabeling the echo chamber that has been created in American life, where liberals and conservatives can read blogs, watch TV channels and go to church without ever seeing someone with a different outlook on life?

I don't have an answer for this. All I know is that I want to remain in my own creative tension with my liberal parishoners and fellow pastors. Because in the end, I need to hear them and they need to hear me. They are my sisters and brothers and I am theirs.

Maybe in the end the church isn't supposed to be a comfortable club, but a community of creative tension.

Are Mainline Churches Like Detroit?

I've been wondering lately if there is anything in common with Mainline Protestant Churches and the American Auto Industry.

Having been ordained in a mainline denomination, working for a church going through change and having two parents who spent years working for General Motors has made me thing there are similarities in the two.

With the onset of the financial crisis, Detroit is having to face its problems in a big way. The Big Three had their heyday in the 50s and 60s, building large cars that Americans purchased like crazy. Gas was cheap and the foreign automakers were not as present on the road.

All that changed in the 70s. The gas crises of that era caught Detroit flatfooted. People started looking for more fuel efficient cars. Japan started showing its muscle as people looked to Toyota and Honda for cheap and efficient cars.

Detroit decided to make changes. But in some cases the changes were small and not major. People complained about the quality of the cars and started abandoning domestic automakers. Detroit kept making small changes, a badge engineering here, a plant closing there, but never made the big costly changes.

The late 90s brought the SUV craze and Detroit went big guns over it. The Big Three were now flushed with cash and the good times were rolling in. The Asian automakers, no joined by the Korean upstarts like Huyndai, also built SUVs, but they also kept selling small cars to people who wanted them.

The gas started getting more expensive. First $2, then $3, then $4 per gallon. It got too crazy to spend so much in gas for an SUV that got 12 miles to the gallon. People started to look to small cars. Again, Detroit came up short. It had spent years neglecting its cars, so when people came looking for more efficient cars, Detroit had few.

Finally, the credit crisis hit. Banks weren't lending which meant, people couldn't buy cars. Two of the Big Three stand on the edge of oblivion.

Like Detroit, the heyday for Mainline churches was in the 50s and 60s. Christianity had a big place in American culture. People went to church, and the sancutaries were full. But things changed in the 60s. Other religions came to the fore. Also, all those "blue laws" that closed stores on Sunday, vanished. Going to church was only one option of many.

Like Detroit, the mainline churches made some small changes, a renewal movement here, a new youth program there, but they weren't willing to see how the times had changed around them.

The mainline churches as a whole aren't at the point where Detroit is, yet. But I think the problems are similiar: we are trying to pretend it's still 1958. We think that if we make a few changes, then everything will be as it was. But the problem is that we can't go back to 1958- not for cars or for churches. America is not the place it was 50 years ago. We have changed as nation and both institutions have to learn to change.

But that change is hard. It means giving up things that have been tried and true. For a company like GM, it means letting go of some storied brands like Buick (where my Dad worked). For churches it means things like giving up the way we've done worship, or learning to welcome gays and lesbians when that was even on the radar years ago.

But the thing is, for both the auto companies and the churches, you either have to make meaningful change, or die. I think for both we are way past the point of small change.

Change requires a leap of faith, a belief that in the end, God there with open arms waiting to catch us. For the church, we have to be willing to trust, not in practices and memories of the past, but in God; knowing that God is always with us.

Who would ever have thought my love of cars and love of the church and God would ever combine. :)

Trees and Forests

One of the things that makes a bit different than most people is the fact that I see the trees instead of the forest. It's a common trait of those with autism: we tend to focus on parts of something rather than the whole.

In the day to day life that plays itself out in many ways. I and someone else might look at a certain situation and I will come away focused on one aspect of the encounter and think everything is okay, while someone else takes in everything and believes the situation is grave.

I sometimes wonder if this happens in my role as a minister. The church where I am the Associate is a church that I was a member of once, a decade ago. I had heard the stories of a church mired in its glorious past, but in the past six months, I've seen small signs of a church wanting to change. None of these are big moves, but baby steps that in some ways are farther than I expected this congregation to go.

But, then I wonder: Am I missing the big picture? Am I not seeing the whole story which might be worse than I can imagine?

I don't know. I think at times there are advantages to being able to only see parts instead of a whole, because some times we are so busy looking at the forest that we fail to see the small plant that is slowly but surely growing. And of course, there are advantages to seeing the whole picture and see that while I'm enjoying that new plant, there is a wolf nearby that sees me as lunch.

I think the congregation faces some challenges down the road, but I think there is some hope in there as well. I will use the odd gift that I have to see the hope springing forth, and I will be thankful for those who can also see the whole forest instead of just one tree. God knows we are both needed.

I Don't Like Change.

I got a call today that just bugged me. It was from the admin of a center that helps pastors deal with vocation issues. Part of the thing here is that you have to spend a day and a half away from work at this center taking different psychological tests.

That part alone bugs me, because it means that I have to be taken away from my routine, which is to go to work. In fact, it could be why I have delayed making an appointment.

Change has always been rough for me. Shortly after my diagnosis, my partner got a call from his brother indicating that his wife was in labor. Daniel was happy and ready to head back to Fargo. I was initially freightened. We had just come back from the North Dakota the night before and I had planned my day at work and now this was all being thrown out. After I calmed down, we were able to head out to Fargo.

So, back to this appointment. I also have to take some tests prior to going and I guess some of them have to be taken at the center before the other testing days. So, not only do I have to be away from my routine for two days, but I have to take another day away and most of all no one told me about this.

I know that I probably sounded pissed when I chatted over the phone and I was. For those who aren't autistic, this is probably a no-brainer, but for someone like me, it can send me through the roof. I have to learn to calm myself down and not get so upset.

Change of course is a part of life, but it isn't easy for me. Several years ago I my roomate and best friend started dating a guy that became his husband. It really bothered me, not out of jealousy, but because everything changed. We had bought a house together and I had that planned in my mind, and we had a history of hanging out together and then all that changed. He wasn't around to go places or to go grocery shopping or things like that and I was just bereft.

My partner sometimes says "I am getting ready to do something spontaneous." It's sounds silly, but at least then I can deal and prepare for change.

But that's not how life operates all the time.

When I Was a Child....

In my investigation of all things Aspergers, one of the things I've discovered is this sense among aspies of a child-like nature.

In six months, I hit the big 4-0. And yet, I don't feel like I'm an almost 40 year old. I mean, that I act like a big kid at times. This shouldn't be confused with acting childish, but more having some of the same qualities that make little children so adobrable.

It seems that I am not the only one who doesn't seem to act his age:

When I look at myself in the mirror, I find this much more difficult to gauge. I tend to see someone younger than me looking back at me.

I wonder if this is because I don’t feel thirty five years old?

I’ve never really felt like an adult. Adults act in a certain way - with a certain type of maturity. I suspect to a degree I judge the age of other people based on how they act as well as how they look. And as I don’t act the way a thirty five year old does, perhaps that’s why I don’t see a thirty five year old looking back at me from the mirror.

Do any of you also experience this strange sort of age dislocation?

(raises hand) I do, I do!

This makes me wonder: what is it that makes persons with Aspergers have a child-nature? What's going on in our noggins?

Well, I'm off to get on a seesaw. ;)

Sexuality and the Aspie

Gavin Bollard, an Austrailian aspie that I follow has a good post today on sexuality and the teenager with Aspergers. For me, it brought back a lot of memories that make sense in light of my diagnosis.

It took me a long time to want to bear any skin. I would button my shirt up all the way and had a hard time wearing shorts or tank tops. In some ways, I still do have issues. On a recent trip to Argentina, my partner thought nothing of wearing shorts everyday. Me? Not so much. When it's hot out, I will wear them, but it's more of a last resort than anything else.

In many ways, I was on the very uptight end of the spectrum when it came to sexuality. Slowly but surely, I have become a bit more relaxed, but that more restrictive nature still has its residues.

Sunday Sermon- March 22, 2009

“First Aid”

Numbers 21: 4-9, John 3:14-21, Ephesians 2:1-10

March 22, 2009 (Fourth Sunday in Lent)

First Christian Church

Minneapolis, MN

As some of you know, I just got back from a trip to Buenos Aires, Argentina. My partner Daniel, tends to get cabin fever around late February, early March and somehow, we end up going somewhere. This year, it was to the land of good steaks and the tango. It was an awesome trip and I got to use my Spanish a lot.

We spent a lot of time visiting the different barrios of this immense city. One day, we went to the Plaza de Mayo which is akin to our National Mall. It is a small plaza that is in front of the Casa Rosada, or Pink House, which is the Argentine version of the White House. In the Plaza were several graffiti renditions of a white scarf shaped as if it were worn by someone. This represented los Madres, the mothers and grandmothers of those who had been “dissapeared” by the military during la Guerra Sucia or “Dirty War.” Between 1976 and 1su983, Argentina was ruled by a military dictatorship. The military decided to get rid of anyone that was deemed a threat and this included intellectuals, artists and political activists. Thousands were dragged into Ford Falcons and never seen again.

The mothers and grandmothers of those who had been taken decided to stage a protest in the Plaza de Mayo to demand justice. Los Madres kept protesting long after the military went back to their barracks and democracy was restored, seeking answers and demanding that those responsible for human rights abuses be punished.

Los Madres stopped their protests in 2006 in response to the government’s willingness to overturn amnesty laws. But this painting was a reminder of their bravery and something else: here in this wonderful city, there was a reminder that all was not well, even in paradise.

The texts today all deal in some way with the cross. In some ways, that shouldn’t be surprising: I mean, we are in Lent and on a journey that will take Jesus to the cross. But today, it seems all out in the open. We can’t run from it. Here is the cross in all its ugliness.

It’s kind of odd that we Christians use the cross as our symbol. It’s a symbol of death and a rather grizzly death. Some Christians have wondered why we even use such a symbol.

The cross can also be a reminder to us that things are not well in world. Like the symbol of Los Madres, it reminds us that in this world there is injustice and sin. People use each other, hurt each other and the rest of God’s creation. It reminds us that we are not okay, that we hurt each other. All is not well.

But that isn’t the whole story. In the story in Numbers which Jesus tells again in John, we a reminded that the cross can also bring healing and salvation. The story in Numbers tells us that the Israelites were complaining to Moses about the lot in life. God heard their complaints and sends poisonious snakes to come and torment the Israelites. They come to Moses again, this time pleading to get rid of the snakes. God hears the cries of the Israelites and tells Moses to make a golden serpent and place it on a pole. If any Israelite who was bitten, looked up at the golden serpent, then they would be healed.

Jesus uses this old story to make a point in his conversation with Nicodemus, the religious leader who came late at night to chat with him over coffee. Just as God used the golden snake to heal the Israelites, then so to would the Son of God be lifted up to heal creation. Nicodemus didn’t understand that, and I think most of us would have scratched our heads as well. Jesus was referring to his death on the cross. Jesus would be the golden serpent, the antidote to the state of the world.

What does this mean for us as a community of faith? I think it reminds us that in our daily lives and in the lives of our friends, we deal with snakes and crosses, those things that cause hurt and pain. In this current environment, many of us know someone that is dealing with a job loss or a home being foreclosed- it might even be the case that we are the one dealing with such a crisis. We face these snakes and crosses that bring a death of some kind. We may even wonder where God is to prevent us from facing these snakes. We and our friends walk around with the hurts and wounds of life. Sin, the separation of humanity from God and each other, still seems to reign. Sometimes we hide our hurts and pains from each other and pretend that everything is okay. Even in church, we tend to hide our pains, not wanting to burden others.

But the good news is that God works through what seems to be an instrument of death to bring life and healing. Just as the Israelites were able to find healing by looking at the golden serpent, we find healing, salvation through Jesus on the cross.

John 3:16 is probably the most well known verse in the Bible. “For God so loved the world...” is how it begins. God loves all of creation. God loves us. All of us. And God shows God’s love by coming in the form of a human named Jesus, who lived among us and died for us. God brought healing to the world.

God has healed us, all of us. The cross remind us that not only that something is not right in the world, but that God is doing something about this. As a community of faith, we are called to go and tell people that they are loved by God. There is nothing that they have to do to earn God’s love, because it is by God’s grace that they are loved. We have a story to tell.

We also have a job to do. Just as God brought healing to the world, we are called to be a people that not only tells the story of God’s healing love, but also be a community of healers...wounded healers as the late Henri Nouwen used to say. This faith community, First Christian has lived a life in the shadow of a cross. The congregation was that was once large, is now not so large. We have wondered if the congregation could continue. But even in the midst of the crosses that have taken place in the life of this congregation, we have also seen acts of healing. We give space to two other congregations: Tiempo Nuevo and the Spirit of St. Stephens, showing hospitality to people who might be new to the area or who have been cast out of churches. We have opened up our space to the Twin Cities Gay Men’s Chorus to give them space to practice. Churches have not always been friendly to gay and lesbian folk, but we have welcomed them in a sign of hospitality. We opened our doors to the world on election day, providing cookies and coffees to voters as they performed their democratic duties. In the midst of our own crosses, we have provided healing. We are called to follow God’s example and go and love the world, with all of its blemishes and join in God’s work of healing. We do that when we care for the poor, as we have on Food Pantry Sunday. We do that when we try to welcome those who enter our doors, be they black or white or Latino or of Arab descent; be they straight or gay, rich or poor.

Some of you might remember long ago when I first joined First Christian, I came down down with a severe infection that placed me in the hospital for two weeks. I had lost a lot of weight, couldn’t eat , I was in all around bad shape. Fluid had built up around my lungs making it hard to breathe. As a way to aid in my healing, the doctors decided to cut open a small slice in my stomach to get a catheter in that would drain the fluid in my lungs. It was not fun trying to get that thing in. Today on my right side is a scar from that incident. That procedure brought a lot of pain, but the scar reminds me that it also brought hope: it helped in making me better, taking away the fluids that were keep me from breathing.

We opened the service singing the hymn, “Lift High the Cross.” The chorus goes like this:

“Lift high the cross,

the love of Christ proclaim

till all the world adore

his sacred Name.”

A instrument of death brings life instead. Funny how God works. Let us life up the cross as a reminder of God’s love for the world and let us tell the story. Let us bring healing, First Aid to a world that needs healing. Amen.

Rev. Tinman

One of my favorite episodes of Star Trek is one that comes from the Next Generation series called "Tinman." The episode features a Betazoid named Tam Elbron. Tam a little odd in that unlike other Betazoids who are all telepathic, he is not only telepathic, but super-telepathic. He can't shut out the other voices he hears and it nearly drives him insane.

I've been thinking about that episode in the wake of my Aspergers diagnosis. Every Sunday, I go to church and assist in worship. When I come home, I'm exhausted. Mentally, it is quite hard being "on" all the time, having to process all these people. Other days, when I am in the office, or working at home or a coffeeshop, I don't feel as drained as I do on Sundays.

It's not that I hate being around people. But being an Aspie Pastor can mean having to be out there a lot and that can be incredibly draining.

I'm wondering if anyone else has felt this way. (You don't have to be a pastor to have felt this.)

One Track Mind

One of the things that I've noticed is how I can only handle about one thought at a time. Let me explain.

Recently I had a meeting with the Senior Pastor where he asked me to work with the office manager on getting a music license for the church. I had in my mind one company that handles this and immediately told the office manager to look into this. Later that evening, I reported to the worship committee that I had signed up with the one company.

"Did you sign up with Company B?" the Senior Pastor asked.

For a split second, I thought that nothing was said about looking into the other company. He never talked about it, and anyway I had in my mind Company A. So, I called the office manager to work on getting us hooked up to Company B.

I am wondering if this is an Aspie trait: being single minded and not being able to handle more than one thought at a time. There have been many occasions where I hear something and focus on one part of it instead of the whole thing.

I know that people with Autism tend to focus on parts rather than the whole and that might be what's going on here. I had in my mind one company, not two.

I need to do more research, but this reminds me of the need to WRITE EVERYTHING DOWN.

Blogs, Pastors and Aspergers

For a while, I've been struggling with the idea of talking about Aspergers on this blog since it's supposed to be the blog where I talk about faith and being a pastor and all that. Maybe it's seeing all the other pastor types who have blogs that are talking about all these weighty theological things, and here I am talking about how I hate to use the phone or why I have to use lists to remember to call my parents or get a card for Daniel.

But the thing is, my journey with Aspergers IS tied up with my vocation. Some of the slip-ups that happened early on in my call were the result of missing social cues from others- well, that and basically dealing with some people who were complete a-holes.

And frankly, one of the things that I've noticed from pastors is that we rarely share what is going on with us. I have seen pastors who were dealing with depression and they never were willing to admit it to themselves, let alone the congregation. For some reason, pastors seem to think that they have to be perfect and never share their own hurts and weaknesses.

On a few occasions, I've shared with people in the congregation that I have Aspergers. It's not that I want to get sympathy. But part of me wants to share that this is who I am: an openly gay pastor who also has an autistic disorder. No hiding, no pretending that somehow I am some religious superhero.

I'm not defective, I just operate on a different frequency than others.

So, I guess I will keep talking about Aspergers and being a pastor. It's who I am.

Blogging Thoughts

I've been thinking lately about setting up another blog that deals with aspergers and get this one back on track to being soley on faith stuff (though I might talk about where faith and autism intersect).

What do others think?

Sunday Sermon- February 1, 2008

“The Devil and Rev. Sanders”
Mark 1:21-28, Dueteronomy 18:15-20
February 1, 2009
First Christian Church
Minneapolis, Minnesota


About a year ago, an interesting indie movie came out called “Lars and the Real Girl.” The story was about a young man named Lars who was a bit of an odd duck. He was incredibly shy, never really connecting with people, especially his brother and sister-in-law. His sister in law tried as hard as she could to bring him out of his shell, but he remained in his little house just off of the larger house where his brother lived.


One day, a UPS truck arrives at Lars’ small house. Shortly thereafter, he goes to his brother’s house to exclaim that he had found a wonderful girl and wanted to introduce her to them. The couple are excited at the news and get to creating a good meal.


The next thing we see if Lars’ girlfriend, Bianca. The thing is Bianca isn’t that animated. She’s kinda plastic. Remember that package that arrived at Lars’ house? Well, the package contained Bianca, a life-sized doll. So, Lars had brought a doll to have dinner with his family. Lars described her as a missionary from Brazil. Of course, his sibiling and his wife were astounded and thought that Lars had gone off the deep end. The brother runs to the town psychologist seeking help. Dr. Dagmar decided that what was best was to play into Lars’ fantasies and treat Bianca as if she was real person.


As what happens in a small town, word got around and the church council got together to decide what to do. After all, what was going to happen with Lars tooling around town with a giant doll? After much debate, the pastor finally asked the question, what would Jesus do?


The response of the town was to treat Bianca just like Lars did- as a real person. So, we have images of Bianca going shopping with the girls and getting her hair done and all the rest. The town learned to accept Bianca as one their own and in the end, they accepted Lars who was coming out of his self-imposed isolation.


As I was preparing for this sermon, a theme that seemed to come out from my studies were the concepts of exclusion and inclusion. I can’t speak for others, but those two topics have always been important to me for several reasons. First of course, is as an African American. It wasn’t that long ago that people who looked like me were excluded from parts of American society including the church. We are progressing as Americans, as African Americans are more and more being included in society, yes even in the White House. But of course the sin of racism is still around and there is still some work to do. The second reason this is important for me is as a gay man. Life can be challenging for gays and lesbians, and sadly, the church has not always done a good job of welcoming us. I am thankful that I have found communities where I am accepted for who I am as a child of God, but there are many who still stay away from churches bearing scars of the past pains of exclusion. The there is the fact that I also have what might be considered a disability. Last year, I was diagnosed with Aspergers Syndrome which is a form of autism. The diagnosis was an answer to years of misunderstanding that affected my calling as a pastor. But it also present me with questions to how I would be accepted in church and made me aware of how those with differing forms of autism are treated in faith communities.


The gospel story today has much to do with how we exclude and welcome those who are different. Jesus is in the synogogue teaching and the faith community is amazed. He isn’t teaching like all the other scribes, who taught based on precedent and tradition, he teaches with an authority that comes from himself. In the midst of this teaching, a man with what the text says is an “unclean spirit” starts to make a commotion. We don’t know what this man had, but we do know that he is ill. But notice they didn’t say that. The writer said he has an unclean spirit. Because of the ritual laws concerning cleanliness, this means this man was separated from the larger faith community. He was not clean, so he was not part of the larger body. In some sense, he wasn’t supposed to be at the synogogue. For whatever reason, he was there and the spirits inside of him could see Jesus and decided to taunt him.


Jesus would have none of this. He orders the spirit to come out of the man and the unclean spirit did. The people were astounded. If someone was unclean, it meant having to do something to make oneself clean. But if you had an illness, like an unclean spirit or leprosy, you were pretty much out of luck. But Jesus took the impossible and made it possible. Jesus was able to make the impossible, possible.


Is this story about demons and evil spirits? In a way, yes. There are spirits out there that feast on fear, making us scared of each other and putting up walls to “protect” us. It happens in the wider society, of course, but it also happens in the church. The church in the United States has a sad history of excluding African Americans from worshipping in the same space with whites. The church has also sadly excluded people who were gay from being in churches. But the fact is, it doesn’t stop there. We are all at times fearful of dealing with someone who different from us. Maybe it is someone who has a mental illness, or a homeless person. Sometimes we just want to ignore these people and hope they go away. I will admit, I’ve felt that way and you probably have too at times as well. The spirits that kept this man from being part of the synogogue still is up to its old tricks, trying to make sure that people are kept out, excluded.


But the good news is that we have a friend in Jesus. It is in Jesus name that the spirits who work on exclusion have already lost. It is by Christ’s death on the cross, that the power of sin has been broken, it just doesn’t know that yet.


This means that in faith we can work toward learning to include everyone- finding ways to let people know that they are loved by the God of all Creation, and by us as well.


My Lutheran friends sometimes comment on having a “Theology of the Cross.” It basically means seeing the life of a Christian though Christ’s death on the cross. There much here that is good, but I think that we Disciples have our own theology. I like to call it the Theology of the Table. One of the founders from our Restoration heritage had this to say about the act of communion:


The Theology of the Table means having a theology that is centered at the communion table where we are all equal. It is the place where we share each others burdens and as Campbell says we are “mutually embraced.”


Trying to be inclusive of others is not easy and I don’t think it is something where we “arrive.” We are constantly working at it and falling back, but knowing that we are forgiven, we strive onward, to day by day become God’s people.


There is a tale told about former Archbishop Desmond Tutu. I have no idea if it is true, but I like it. It took place during the struggle against aparthied in South Africa. He and others were protesting and he sees a group of white South African policemen. He shouts to them that they have already lost, so they should come over to their side and join them.


At the time, Nelson Mandela was still in jail. The aparthied government maintained an iron grip on black South Africans. And yet, Tutu believed that the battle had been won. The spirits of division were in retreat; they just didn’t know it yet.


May we be a community that learns to be hospitable to those of might seem different. May God forgive us when we fall short and give the stregth to carry on. Thanks be to God, Amen.

Waiting for the Ax to Fall

It's been nearly three months on the job as the Associate and so far, so good. It has been a pleasant experience.

At least it should be.

You see, at times old tapes play in my mind. If I make a mistake, I keep waiting for someone to chew me out, to yell at me for crossing some line or stepping on someone's toes.

I think this because it has happened before and the repeated experiences left me feeling at times like a scared puppy.

But nothing like this has happened at the church so far. Part of that comes from knowing more about myself. In the past, I would charge in and do something, which would then end up pissing people off because I had crossed some invisible boundary that I didn't know existed. I think it was that Aspie trait of lack of common sense that would get me in trouble. But lately, I've been more willing to take my time and ask people questions before just doing something.

But the other half might just be finding grace in church. The other day I grumbled about forgetting something, beating myself up for being so stupid. "That's okay," the Senior Pastor said. "We're all human."

It's funny that sometimes the place where we find the least grace is in church. But in many of my experiences over the years, church is the last place where one can be human and live under grace. So, it was shocking to hear grace being bestowed on me...in a church.

That doesn't mean that I don't deal with fear. But maybe over time, I can trust that there is grace, both here and in heaven.

Maintenance V. Mission (the Rerun)

Someone at church was interested in the following blog post from late July of 2008, so I decided to post it again.

I stumbled upon this blog post and thought to share it. I see a lot of this happening in some churches I know. I will blog more about this later.

1. In measuring its effectiveness, the maintenance congregation asks, “How many visitors have we attracted?” The missional congregation asks, “How many members have we sent?”

2. When contemplating some form of change, the maintenance congregation says, “If this proves upsetting to any of our members, we won’t do it.” The missional congregation says, “If this will help us bless and touch someone outside of our faith community, we will take the risk and do it.”

3. When thinking about change, the majority of members in a maintenance congregation ask, “How will this affect me?” The majority of members in the missional congregation ask, “Will this help align our activities around the missio dei — the mission of God?”

4. When thinking of its vision for ministry, the maintenance congregation says, “We have to be faithful to our past.” The missional congregation says, “We have to be faithful to our future.”

5. The pastor in the maintenance congregation says to the newcomer, “I’d like to introduce you to some of our members.” In the missional congregation the members say, “We’d like to introduce you to our pastor.”

6. When confronted with a legitimate pastoral concern, the pastor in the maintenance congregation asks, “How can I meet this need?” The pastor in the missional congregation asks, “How can we meet this need?”

7. The maintenance congregation seeks to avoid conflict at any cost (but rarely succeeds). The missional congregation understands that conflict is the price of progress, and is willing to pay the price. It understands that it cannot take everyone with it. This causes some grief, but it does not keep it from doing what needs to be done.

8. The leadership style in the maintenance congregation is primarily managerial, where leaders try to keep everything in order and running smoothly. The leadership style in a missional congregation is primarily transformational, casting a vision of what can be, and marching off the map in order to bring the vision into reality.

9. The maintenance congregation is concerned with their congregation, its organizations and structure, its constitutions and committees. The missional congregation is concerned with the culture, with understanding how secular people think and what makes them tick. It tries to determine their needs and their points of accessibility to the Gospel.

10. When thinking about growth, the maintenance congregations asks, “How many Christians, who aren’t currently members, live within a twenty-minute drive of this church?” The missional congregation asks, “How many unreached people groups live within a twenty-minute drive of this church?”

11. The maintenance congregation looks at the community and asks, “How can we get these people to come to our church?” The missional congregation asks, “How can we go and be engaged with these people?”

12. The maintenance congregation thinks about how to save their congregation. The missional congregation thinks about how to plant new missional communities to extend the Kingdom of God.