Sunday Sermon: October 4, 2009

“All in the Family”
Mark 10:2-16, Genesis 2:15-3:21
World Communion Sunday
October 4, 2009
First Christian Church
Minneapolis, MN

I can remember the date well…it was January 4, 1978. I was seven years old at the time. I remember on that evening, my Uncle Pablo came to the door and my mother answered. Pablo announced that he had come home from work to find his wife and his children gone. He found out that his wife of seven years had left him.

That night was the first time I had come face to face with divorce. For the next few years, Pablo, his wife and my three cousins dealt with all the lows that comes when a relationship ends. They divorced officially a year later, but the scars remained, and in 1982, Pablo’s ex-wife moved along with the kids to California. Being an only child, my three cousins were like my sisters and brothers. Now, they were gone. For Pablo, the pain was worse: his children were hundreds of miles away in another part of the country. While he would see them on occasion over the years, it would never be like it was.

I don’t have to tell many of you about the pain divorce can bring, especially when children are involved. Many of you have experienced it either in your own life or in the lives of your children. Sometimes the divorce is needed, such as a woman leaving an abusive relationship. But there is always sadness of the promise of love that ends in heartache.

Today is World Communion Sunday, a day when Christians around the globe celebrate the Lord’s Supper together as one. It is a reminder that in a world where there is division and barriers, we are called to be a people that communes together, that strives to live for others.

In the Scriptures we heard today, we hear a lot about the importance of relationships. In Genesis, we hear the story of Adam and Eve, where God creates a mate for Adam who was lonely. In Mark, Jesus makes a strong case against divorce and the destruction of relationships. He also adds in there that we are to come to Jesus as a little child or we can forget about understanding the kingdom of God.

It would be easy to use these verses to support some practices that are not very helpful to the wider community. For example, one could say that divorce is against God and force women to stay in relationships where they are being abused. The story of Adam and Eve can be reduced to a statement for heterosexual marriage and against same-sex marriage.
But I don’t think that is what either of these verses are talking about. What both passages seem to be saying is the importance God places on relationships. When you read the Genesis text, you see Adam in good relationship with Eve and both are in relationship with God. What has been commonly called the Fall causes the bonds of relationship to be broken. Humans would find it hard to care for each other and to have a relationship with God.

And that’s why Jesus isn’t so gung-ho on divorce. Jesus is not saying that divorce is a sin and should never be done, but that it is a reminder of the brokenness of humanity, that we frequently break our bonds and commitments with each other.

So what in the world do these verses have to do with those of sitting here today? Well, it has a lot to do with us especially in the arena of what I like to call “evangelism without words” or hospitality.

Hospitality is an important theme in the bible. Part of that comes from the fact that living in a desert meant that that treated strangers with kindness was a matter of life and death. If a guy living out in the desert and he refused to give water to some strangers who happened to stop by, you were basically digging their graves.

In the gospel text for last week, Jesus says that if anyone causes the little ones to stumble, they should start cutting off parts of their bodies or drown themselves. For Jesus relationship was important and the gathered community was doing things that caused others to lose faith, well, that was a serious thing.

Hospitality is a strange thing in that it asks us to be form a bond with people we have never met, or think less of. Jesus got annoyed when the disciples were shooing away the children. He welcomed the kids. He wanted a relationship with even children who can be, umm, kids at times.

How hospitable are you? How hospitable is this church? How we welcome the stranger tells speaks volumes about what we believe. Do we welcome kids? Do we welcome gays and lesbians? Do we welcome those who speak a different language or are of another race or background? What about those dealing with a disability? Some of you might be tempted to say that we do a good enough job, but I want you to really think about that. Look around you here at church. Does the layout of the church, the signage and other parts of the church welcome the stranger or do they say, “go away?”

I am reminded of the work of Deb Murphy who wanted to do something for children. I am excited to see her use her passion of the arts to tell the story of God and God’s creation to a new generation. That’s show hospitality to the little ones.
I want to end this with another story. During the summer of 1990, I had the chance to intern with the congressman that represented my district in Michigan. That meant that I got to spend the summer in Washington, DC working on Capitol Hill. I can say that summer rocked. Along the way, I met a few people that became friends. One such person was a guy named Dan who hailed from Arkansas. I remember one Sunday trying to figure out how to get to specific church in the Virginia suburbs, since I didn’t bring my car. Out of the blue, Dan allows me to borrow his car. I was kind of surprised that someone would trust me with his car, but he did. I was amazed by his hospitality. What I found interesting was that about twenty years prior to this meeting, we might have never met. He was a white kid from the South; I was a black kid from the North. And yet, here we were, and he was letting me borrow his car.

I never forgot his act of hospitality. Maybe that’s why we still are friends 20 years later.

Then there is the recent experience I encountered during my trip to Puerto Rico. We went to visit my mother’s cousin, Laura. She is in her late 80s and has some severe health issues. We had a good time visiting. After a while she wanted to offer us lunch. A neighbor lady had made some pastels, a Puerto Rican dish and she wanted to serve them to us. Now pastels are made up of plantain, which is a banana like plant as well as chickpeas and usually pork. They get wrapped up in banana skins and then frozen for later use. To serve them to us meant that Laura had to boil water to defrost them, a lot of work for a woman not in good health. My mother kept saying that she didn’t have to do this, but Laura insisted. In the end, my Mom and Dad, my partner Daniel and myself were eating the pastels.

Laura did not have to do this. She is not a healthy woman and all we wanted to do is just say hello. But hospitality was important to her, even in her state. She sacrificed her comfort to make us feel at home.

God calls us into relationship, even with those that we don’t know. God knows we will fall short, but we are still called into making friends with strangers.

So as we go back into our offices, schoolrooms and cubicles, let’s show some kindness and hospitality to others. As we come to church every Sunday, let us remember the stranger and make them feel at home. Let us welcome them to the Table, and let us invite them to the Feast. Thanks be to God. Amen.

Heaven Is the Face

Back in the day, I was big fan of Steven Curtis Chapman. As I got older and away from college, I tended to move away from the evangelical Christianity of my youth towards mainline Protestant Christianity, and that meant listened to a lot less contemporary Christian music.

But even though I don't listen to it as much anymore, I still do every so often. Chapman is one of those singers I've enjoyed even if I don't always agree with his theology.

His latest single is a song that was written in the aftermath of losing his daughter in a freak accident a year ago. Below is a slideshow of this new song called "Heaven Is the Face" where he sings that heaven is not always so far away.

Where Am I Going? Hell If I Know.

This summer, I started a morning prayer time before worship. As church things go, it was moderately successful, especially for the summer.

I've been wondering if I want to continue it into the fall and I have this gut sense to keep on going, but I want to do it a bit differently. I really want it to be a time of coming before God in prayer and silence. I want some time where people can simply experience God.

I've been thinking about using a variety of materials that are out there, especially from the emergent community. I'm thinking of using the Missio Dei Breviary for some Sundays, maybe the Emergent Psalter on other Sundays, and definitely the Painted Prayerbook.

Of course, I am doing this in typical aspie fashion: just doing it.

I can't logically explain why I'm doing this, just that I see a need for it and well, this might seem selfish, but I need it. I need a time to be quiet and enter mystery.

Now comes the hard part: getting people interested in participating. I'm not that good in drawing people to events (my lack of a charismatic personality).

Well, if God is leading me to this, then maybe I will leave that to God.

Feel free to share any ideas!

We All Fall Down

The Minneapolis Star Tribune reports this morning that the pastor of a new church start in the Southern suburbs of the Twin Cities was arrested in a prostitution ring.

Looking at the church website, one can see that this church tends to be on the more evangelical side, which I can imagine will cause some schadenfreude among my fellow mainline Protestants. In fact I have already heard about how "these churches" are the ones that condemn gay folks and then turn around and are involved in sex scandals.

Others might make fun of this pastor, but I won't.

Maybe it's because I came from an evangelical background, I dunno, but I don't think this is an occasion to gloat. Nothing on the church website seems to say anything anti-gay, and even if it did, I am thinking more about the hurt this has caused than about laughing about the downfall of a conservative Christian.

I think about the family of the pastor that has to deal with all of this. I think about this new church community, including those who might be new to the Christian faith, who have had their faith damaged because of this. Sexual scandals involving pastors tend to have a damaging effect on faith communities, and these people need our prayers, NOT our laughter.

I also have to add that in the years since I've been a pastor, I have been aware of people who got into situations where they slipped up sexually. It affects everyone, be they liberal or conservative. There is a reason that middle judicatories have boundary training- to make people aware of situations where pastors might be compromised. Being in such a position of power makes us susceptible to breaking boundaries.

To make fun of this is to not love others and is plainly un-Christian.

All Are Welcome

Being a Disciple living in Minnesota, you tend to encounter a lot of Lutherans. MANY Lutherans. Since I went to a Lutheran Seminary, and fell in love with the son of a Lutheran pastor, it's fair to say that I know a few Lutherans.

And I happen to know a lot of gay Lutherans. My first boyfriend, Erik is a life-long Lutheran that I met in seminary. Erik was basically not able to go through ordination because he is gay and in a relationship which was the rule in the Evangelical Lutheran Church in America. Same goes for my friend Brenda, who graduated seminary and has been waiting and waiting for the church to make up its mind.

And today, the ELCA finally did make up its mind and voted to allow gay men and lesbians in committed relationships to be clergy.

The vote leaves the decision up to individual churches and synods and gives room for those who don't agree.

This means that people like Erik and Brenda can now go through the process that leads to ordination. It also means that another friend of mine, Mary is now officially the pastor of the congregation she has served for six years in violation of the rules. (The synod had listed the church as officially "vacant," without a pastor.)

I am reminded of the hymn written by Marty Haugen called "All Are Welcome." Here is the first verse:

Let us build a house
where love can dwell
And all can safely live,
A place where
saints and children tell
How hearts learn to forgive.

Built of hopes and dreams and visions,
Rock of faith and vault of grace;
Here the love of Christ shall end divisions;

All are welcome, all are welcome,
All are welcome in this place.

Today, the ELCA lived up to that song. Amen!

"Adam"

My partner and I went to see "Adam" at a local arthouse theatre just outside of Minneapolis last week. For those who are not in the know, Adam is a movie about a young man that has Aspergers. It was a good movie in many ways. While the whole thing of being someone with Aspergers is the main part of the movie, it isn't in-your-face and it was a very good portrayal unlike "Mozart and the Whale" which was another movie that came out a few years ago about two people with Aspergers.

My beef with "Mozart" is that it tended to see Aspergers as something more like a mental illness where as "Adam" seemed to "get it." You could tell the people behind the film really did their homework on what it is to live like a person with with Aspergers.

Maybe the best thing was that it helped my partner understand what it is to be an Aspie. Adam's traits were far more pronounced than mine are, but there were some similiarities.

If the movie is playing in your town, please go see it, especially if you don't have Aspergers. It will help you deal with those Aspies you will meet along the way.

The Trials of Being an Aspie Pastor

I've had this nagging idea that has been rattling in my mind for several months. It's the idea of trying to start an early morning worship service (early as in 8:30am). I'm a worship geek by nature and love putting together services as much as taking part in them. No doubt, I could do a good job in putting a service together and I know I could do a kick-ass job leading worship (can one say "kick-ass" in post on worship?). But there remains one problem:

How can a pastor with Aspergers, get people to come to worship? How can he invite them? How does someone who has trouble connecting with people socially be an evangelist?

In the years since my ordination, I've come to learn how "social" being a pastor is. I've learned to do that, but in some case it tends to be hit and miss. I feel in someways like Data from Star Trek: The Next Generation. In his quest to be human, he tends to learn the ways to be human, but his application always falls short of the mark.

When I started Community of Grace (the new church plant), I was good at getting the bulletins together and putting the worship service together. I was good at all the technical skills. But of course, to be an effective church planter, you need people who are...well, people-persons. I was not, and to be the head pastor, you kind of have to be.

Looking back over the years, making friends was always hard and let's not get started on dating. Sometimes I feel it's a near miracle that I found someone who can deal with all my quirks.

Even in this age of Twitter and Facebook, much of what goes on in life is till face-to-face. So, if I want to tell the story of salvation more often than not, I have to be able to do in-person.

But back to the morning service. I would love to do it, but how do I get the word our to new people? Any ideas, people?

In Search of Disciples Indentity

I am not what they would call a "cradle Disciple," someone who was born and raised in the Christian Church (Disciples of Christ). I found the Disciples about a decade ago. At this point, having been ordained and now serving in a Disciples church, I can say that I am fully Disciple, for what that's worth. But back in my seminary days, I really struggled with what it meant to be a Disciple, if it meant anything at all.

I went to a Lutheran seminary, here in Minnesota- the heart of Lutheranism in America. So, being at the Lutheran version of Mecca, where there were few non-Lutherans, you were challenged on what you believed. I remember learning about how Lutherans approached theology and studied up on Reformed Theology, but when it came to my own tradition, I was a bit lost. What did we believe? How did that shape our way of being? What did it matter that we were Disciples?

More than once, I thought about leaving the Disciples, simply because I didn't know what my tradition believed and I wanted some sense of identity.

I do remember reading two books, Disciples and the Bible and Disciples and Theology, which did help me immensely in understanding the Disciples. I can also credit having Jan Linn in my midst. Jan is the pastor of Spirit of Joy Christian Church in the southern suburbs of the Twin Cities and an emminent Disciples scholar.

But I still lacked solid grounding in Disciples heritage.

Recently, I was in a meeting where people brought up the fact that the congregation did not do a good job of describing who Disciples were. The common refrain people hear from Disciples is the errorneous viewpoint that we are free to believe in whatever we want. Even I have been guilty of saying that we are tolerant and open to a wide range of views, which said very little about who we are.

I am beginning to believe that one reason Disciples are in such a bad lot in regards to our size these days is because we do a bad job in telling people who we are. When someone comes to one of our congregations, they want to know a bit about us. They want to understand where we are coming from.

But the thing is, in many cases we don't have much to say. And I suspect with such a shallow ground, people go elsewhere.

I know that these days, "brand loyalty" doesn't mean as much to people as it once did. There are few and fewer cradle Presbyterians, Episcopalians, Baptists and the like. But even though people move from tradition to tradition, that doesn't mean that Disciples can be lax. In these postmodern days, identity means a lot and people want to know what is it that they are getting into. If it can't be defined in some way, they will go elsewhere.

I am thankful for the new book by Linn and Michael Kinnamon that tackles Disciples Identity. If this wonderful movement is going to continue, we have to start knowing who we are.

Quit Yer Complaining!

As someone with Asperger's I am always puzzled by people in that they never mean what they say. And one place where that is the case is in the church.

Over the last few years, I've had conversations with lay people where much is made about what is wrong with the church, or their church. In most of the cases, I could agree with them. What is interesting, is that while these people are good at pinpointing the problem, they are terrible in offering a solution.

More to the point, they don't seem interested in offering a solution. They can point to a solution, but they have no interest in putting the time into said solutions.

I've wondered a lot about that. If they know what the answer might be, why aren't they doing it?

As a pastor, sometimes it feels that you are working on your own. As much as we Protestants, and especially Disciples like to talk about the high regard we give to the Laity, most of us still believe it is up to the clergy to get things done. It's not a big surprise that pastors tend to burnout, distrustful of the church.

Part of me wonders if people in the pews feel powerless to really make any change. Maybe those who do have ideas and spark are afraid that they will be swatted down by pastors who fear their power is being taken away, or members that like things the way they are.

In my less charitable moments, I wonder if it is because they like to complain, but don't really care about making a difference. It's fun to be the one pointing out all the flaws. Better than getting down and dirty and trying to solve and issue or find ways to help revitalize a ministry.

I don't know. All I do know is that as someone once said, it would be nice to have people stop talking about what's wrong with the church and actually staring being the church.

Okay, my rant is done for now.

Happy Days

Sometime in the 1970s, I remember watching the TV show "Happy Days" and wondering aloud, what made the 1950s happy days. My mother remarked, that I would look upon the 80s as "Happy Days" one day.

I remember at the time kind of scoff at such a notion.

But, Mom was right.

This evening, as Daniel and I were heading to dinner, we stumbled upon a satellite station that played 80s music...actually to be more exact, it was playing an episode of American Top 40 with Casey Kasem, from June of 1984.

Hearing all of those old tunes, had me going back to that summer of 1984 when I was 14, soon to be 15. It was a very good summer. I remember watching the '84 Summer Olympics and that was the year that Michael Jackson seemed to be everywhere. Good times indeed.

Twenty-five years later, I'm 39 soon to be 40. I'm now a middle aged man, some of those bands I listened to in '84 are no longer playing and Michael Jackson is sadly no longer with us.

Those days of my youth were good days, but they weren't all good. My freshman year in high school was difficult. My mother spent several weeks in the hospital dealing with heart failure.

I'm thinking about how some congregations view their golden past, their happy days. They look back at those days with fondness and like me listening to an old American Top 40 broadcast, almost long to be back in those days when life was simpler.

But the thing is, I doubt it was that simple. I have to think that there were rough patches in those golden years as well as good days.

And the thing is, sometimes we get so wrapped up in our pasts, that we don't see what is ahead of us, which might be even better than what we left behind.


Congregations want to relieve those old days. They want it to be 1958 again when the pews were full. But we can't go back in time, and as much as I would love to go back to 1984 for a little while, I can't. Time only goes forward and that's a good thing.

A Disciples congregation in Nashville has put together a video that see what the church will look like 10 years from now. They are not looking at the past, but heading forward.

A friend commented that being in your 40s is pretty cool. Again, I feel like scoffing, but then I was wrong before.

The life before us can be pretty good, if we allow it to be.

Prayin' by iPhone

I love my iPhone.

Yes, this is coming from a "Machead," but the specific reason I like my iPhone is because it has helped my prayer life.

Something tells me Steve Jobs didn't account for that.

About a month ago, I stumbled upon the website Pray As You Go, a British Jesuit concern that produces daily podcasts. Each episode contains a song and a reading of scripture and time to reflect on the words. I started doing this and later realized that I was doing the Lectio Divinia without realizing it.

Maybe what I like about it, is that helped me realize that prayer is not always about words, but about being quiet and listening to God.

What is so fascinating about this is how these Brits have been able to meld modern 21st century technology to an ancient spiritual practice. Pray As You Go has a worldwide following and I don't doubt that it has helped rekindle the prayer lives of countless folk.

Give it a try.

Sunday Sermon- June 7, 2008

“Come to the Table”
Isaiah 6:1-8, John 3:1-17
June 7, 2009
Trinity Sunday
First Christian Church
Minneapolis, MN

A few months ago, my partner Daniel and I were invited to have high tea. A friend of mine this in an auction and she invited serveral of her friends to the event, including me.

I was not looking forward to it.

I had this fear that I would have to learn to how have tea. I was scared that I would not hold the tea cup in the right way and that I would make a fool of myself.

Well, the day came and Daniel and I went to a suburban house in Richfield. A woman in her 50s or 60s came to the door dressed quite nicely. We went in and sat down at a table that was adorned with nice china. It was all nice, but I was nervous. Finally, it was time for the tea and the cookies. But instead of worrying about if I had to have my pinky up or not, what happened was rather surprising. The circle of friends gathered and started sharing what was going on in their lives. My fears subsided as I realized there was less concern about getting things right than there was about the relationships that were happening at that moment.

The Sunday after Pentecost is called Trinity Sunday, when we focus on God as the Three in One: God the Father or Creator, God the Son or the Redeemer, and God the Holy Spirit or Sustainer. This Sunday is an interesting Sunday for those of us who belong to this tradition in Christianity called the Disciples of Christ. Alexander Campbell, one of the founders of what became the Disciples, did not focus on the Trinity. The reason was that there was no mention of it in the Bible. Since we were a people of the book, it made no sense to spend time in a concept that was not mentioned in the Bible.

And he is right of course, if you read the Bible, especially the New Testament, you will not find the word, “trinity.” The concept of Trinity is not a biblical per se, it’s a doctrinal statement that came later in the life of the Chrisitianity. So, since it was considered a doctrine, and we Disciples tend to be non-doctrinal, the Trinity doesn’t get talked about a whole lot among Disciples.

Now, one doesn’t have to believe in the Trinity to be a good Christian. However, it is a way to think about the nature of God, a way to explain God. There are a lot of different ways to try to describe God and the Trinity is one of those ways. The Trinity also reminds us how we are to be church, how we are to be God’s children in the world. For some reason, the Trinity has me thinking of food and tea, tables, mission and grace.

In the John text, we introduced to Nicodemus. We find out that he is a Pharisee and is intriguied by Jesus. He comes to visit Jesus under the cover of darkness to find out more about this man. I can imagine him walking down the streets at night, trying to make sure no one sees him and then going to a door on a side street and knocking the door. One of the disciples opens the door and leads him to a room where Jesus is sitting with tea or coffee at the waiting. Nicodemus sits and the two converse among many, many cups of tea. Nicodemus was well versed in the law and believed he had done all the right things. But Jesus starts talking about being “born again” and about how being born of water and Spirit. Jesus tells Nicodemus that it is not about one has done for God, but what God has done for us; how God loved the world so much that he sent Jesus to live among us.

What happens during this late night visit is the beginning of a relationship. Nicodemus is captivated by this man named Jesus, and begins to get closer to him. We later see the Pharisee stand up for Jesus and after the crucifixion works with others to find proper burial place for Jesus.

In our Isaiah text, we see that a person is being called by God to a mission. Unlike the quiet setting found in John, this story seems rather frightening. There are angels with several wings that don’t seem like those gentle versions we see on television. We can imagine a loud voice calling the person to do this thing for God. And the person replies that he is not worthy to do carry out God’s mission. And then we have this odd vision of one of these horrid looking angels getting a fiery coal and placing it on the person’s mouth as a sign of his now being made clean by God. Once he was made clean by God, the person in this story can now claim in a strong voice, “here I am! Send me.”

If there is one thing I want you to remember, is that the concept of the Trinity is about seeing God as a God that wants to be in relationship. God is in relationship within God, and God wants to be relationship with all of creation, including humanity.

There is a painting by Andrei Rublev, a Russain artist, that shows what the Trinity is all about and gives a clue into what it means to be church. (show the painting).

Gathered around a table are three figures reprenting the Trinity. You can see the three seated around this table and sharing each others lives. Notice that there is one seat that is open. It’s an ivitation to come and sit with God.

God is not about trying to do the right thing. In some ways, many people are like I was before that tea party, worried that I would do the wrong thing. But God is more interested in having a relationship with us.

Sometimes we are afraid to be in relationship with God. Sometimes we feel that we are not worthy and sometimes we just stay away. But just as God cleaned the writer in Isaiah, we are made clean by God through Jesus Christ. It was through the life death and ressurection that we are made clean and called to do God’s work in the world.

As members of First Christian, we have been in the midst of a study called Ubinding the Gospel and we have been implored to learn to share the good news of Jesus with others. I can imagine, that at times, we might feel not up to the task. We feel ashamed that we are not sharing the gospel with others and feel unclean.

I want to challenge you to see sharing the good news not in the form of a task that one should do, as some boring task of duty, but as engaging in a relationship. It’s about sharing our lives with each other over a cup of coffee. It’s about inviting someone to dinner and seeing how your family and friends are doing. Evangelism isn’t not about trying to accost someone with the good news of God, but it is going out in the world and being in relationship with people; sharing our lives with each other. And since God is part of our lives, we will share that part of our life as well.

I want to read something to you: it’s the mission statement for First Christian. “In response to the grace of God, the mission of First Christian Church is to be a Christ-centered presence, to share the Good News of Jesus Christ, and to witness through service to God’s World.”

We don’t go out and talking about how we encounter God because we have to. We do it in response for what God has done for us. God has in Jesus showed that God loves us. In response that we are loved by God, we can be a presence in the world, being in relationship with our friends and neighbors and even strangers. We seek to get to know people and get to know about their hopes and fears and seek ways to help them and to just be Christ to them. We seek to be in relationship when we serve food to the hungry at St. Stephen’s shelter. Being church is not about a building or committee, or pews or an organ. Those are all nice, but church is about a table,, where the Trinity invites us to come and share our lives and where we are so in love with God that we want to go out and invite others to the table.

And that’s what we do every week, don’t we? We come to this table where we are reminded of God’s love for us. We don’t have to worry if we are worthy, God has already made us worthy, God has made everyone worthy.

I want to leave you with a final image. As many of you know, there was a time long ago, when I was a member of this congregation. I remember the first time I visited this church, Labor Day weekend of 1996. I went to the service and then came home to do some other things. Later that evening, a I heard a knock on the door. There was a man in his 50s with a loaf of bread and a packet. The man was from First Christian and wanted to thank me for visiting. The man was Garry Hesser, who is a member here. I was invited to enter a relationship and decided to take up the invite. I would remember later on having conversations with Garry and Martha Harris over tea as we talked about the nature of God.

God is not calling us to duty; God wants us to be in realtionship with God and with each other. God is about having tea with friends and sharing our lives. We are invited to the Table. Come to the Table. Be yourself. Feel free to invite others. Thanks be to God. Amen.

The painting is called The Trinity, by Andrei Rublev.

Here Am I...Send Me?

I get to preach this Sunday.

The Senior Pastor, Bob, is away so, I'm up at bat. It's interesting that one of the passages that I will preach on is Isaiah 6:1-8, than ends with the words, "Here am I...send me."

Those words are also part of the famous hymn, "Here I Am Lord."

What's fascinating in that passage is how the writer felt "unclean" and not able to do what God was asking of them.

That sounds so familiar.

In the year since I was diagnosed with Aspergers, I've realized there are certain things that I can't do, like be a Senior Pastor. There have been times I've wondered if someone with Aspergers could even be a pastor, but I've decided that God tends to call some strange people to do God's work, so I've decided to stick around.

But then I wonder about other things. First Christian is at an odd place in its history where it is trying to transform itself. We are trying to find ways to see more people enter our doors. I'm always brimming with crazy ideas, and starting an alternative worship service has been in the back of my mind. In some ways, that would be old territory to me, since that's what I did back during the Community of Grace days. But then I remember why Community of Grace didn't do so well...because you need someone that can sell it and be the social butterfly and because of the Aspergers, I am not that. Yeah, put me in front and I can plan a good service, but to tell others about it? That doesn't work out so well.

But then in the Isaiah passage, God asks one of the angels to come by and place a hot coal on the tounge of the writer making him clean and able to say "Here I am, send me." Maybe I just have to trust that God will help me do my task. It might come in the form of someone who is a good with people who can team up with me. Who knows.

It reminds me again, that I just have to be faithful and realize that things are all on me. God can use my skills and gifts (if using Twitter and Facebook can be considered gifts) and can use someone else to use their skills of socializing for God's purpose.

Being an aspie means there will always be things I can't do as well as others. But with God all things are possible and God can use me, the way I am, to fulfill God's purpose.

So, God: Here I am...send me.

Robot Love

Someone at church alerted me to this recent article in the New York Times about a man with Aspergers and his wife and how they try to make their marriage work. It reminded me of the common frustrations that Daniel has to deal with concerning little ole me. Marrying someone with Aspergers can be a chore. I think any neurotypical person who is in a relationship with someone who has Aspergers has to be a saint to put up with our quirks.

But I think in the end, it's worth it for them. Recently, Daniel was dealing with a bug. He was home resting and in his usual Norwegian fashion, acting like he could handle this on his own. I realized he needed to take something for this illness and went to Target and got him the medicine he needed. When I came home, he said he needed said medicine and that I needed to go and get some. I handed him the pills. For Daniel this was wonderful. It showed that I cared. For me, it was simply assessing the situation: Daniel was ill. This medicine would help. I will get the medicine so that when he is ready, it is available.

Simple and logical.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that while we are not the most attentive persons in the world and can get on their nerves, we Aspies can be effective lovers, even if it is a bit robotic.

But neurotypicals help learn to be more empathic. Daniel has helped me understand the joys of life and is willing to get me out of my ruts. It's scary, but in the end, I'm glad when he has done it.

Marriage can be quite an adventure, huh?

New Movie About an Aspie in Love

It looks like there is an indie movie coming out this summer about a young man with Aspergers who falls in love with a young woman. It's called Adam and below is the film trailer:



It looks good. I will definitely be looking for it come the summertime.

Tempted to Torture

Lutheran pastor and blogger Mark Daniels expresses his outrage at a recent Pew Forum Survey that showed that a majority of churchgoers tend to support torture. In trying to understand why so many Christians would be willing to accept such a barborous act, he look to the Pharisees:

While there are more than a few preachers whose "theology" contains jingoistic nationalism and spiritual arrogance, many churchgoers, I'll bet, adopt such ideas, including the acceptance of torture, in spite of what they're being told at their local church...

...The inescapable conclusion is that many churchgoers aren't especially engaged in their faith. They're like the Pharisees of Jesus' day, people with whom Jesus often tangled. The Pharisees were, in many ways, laudable people. They were regular in worship, scrupulous about keeping religious law.

But Jesus called them whitewashed tombs. In spite of the insistence of the Old Testament that God loved his people as a matter of divine choice (grace) that should evoke faith, they turned faith into a legal transaction. God was whittled down to the size of the local peddler. "If I perform these religious duties, God must accept me," was the implicit notion of the Pharisees. When a person starts to think that they can deal on an equal footing with God, humility goes. So does a sense of humanity.

We have modern day Pharisees in our churches. They sing, "Amazing grace, how sweet the sound that saved a wretch like me/I once was lost, but now am found; was blind, but now I see." But for too many, those have become mere words and what they really believe is, "How good I am and how clever of me to be moral, upstanding churchperson and how right I am to condemn others and make them tow the line." The actual teaching and preaching they hear is just background noise.

The existence of boastful Phaisaism in the modern US church must be one of the poisonous springs from which "Christian" acceptance of torture emanates.

I have to say that while I was just as shocked as Daniels about the casual acceptance of torture in our nation's churches, I found his answer wanting if not a tad bit condescending.

I think there are many people in our pews that do think torture is okay. But I also think that this tends to sadly reflect our culture. I would bet that a lot of Americans would think back to 9/11 and think that that it's okay since they hurt us first.

I remember having an email conversation a few years ago with a person who also happened to be Lutheran. When we got to the issue of torture, he basically said that it was okay since they hurt us in 2001.

It would be easy for me or others to simply say that they people are "whitewashed tombs" to condemn them for having such thoughts and to tell them to get right. But there is something within me that doesn't think that's the right approach.

Part of the problem here is that most Americans, even most who go to church tend to believe in a theology that says if you are good, you go to heaven, and if you are bad, you get punished. It's a natural theology that I think is part of the culture. So if you look at this in regards to torture, then people are thinking that these people are getting their just desserts. For many, September 11 is still a very real issue one that they can feel at a visceral level.

The other thing is that more often than not, the issues like war or torture tend to be "shouting" issues, things that are preached but not necessairly reasoned with. Read any blog these days and you get more people yelling at each other and clothing themselves with righteousness than in trying to handle some hard questions.

Part of the task of Christianity is to foster the countercultural values of Jesus. I think part of that task is to reason why torture is wrong. But it even has to be more than that. It has to be done in the context of 9/11 not as some hypothetical issue. Many of us who oppose the use of torture tend to act as if September 11 never happened. It becomes an abstract exercise. The average joe in the pews IS thinking about 9/11 and hence, his support for torture. We have to explain, with the memories of that dreadful day in September in the back of our minds, that it is still wrong. As religious leaders, we have to be able to feel the anger and still say with every moral fiber that it is still wrong and here is why. We have to be willing to feel the temptation to hurt our enemy and yet rebuke Satan the same way Christ did in the desert.

Maybe it seems silly to have to teach people that torture is wrong, but that's the world we live in. It's the way of the world. In the Beatitudes, Jesus begins every sentence with "You have heard it said." That's the way things have been and will always be. All of us are swayed by that reasoning. To get to "but I say to you" means having to be taught. Daily. Again and again.

It is dissapointing to see that many American Christians support torture, but that only means that I need to try harder. It is not a time for condemning, but a time to gird our loins and keep teaching.

Eight Ways to Be A Missional Christian

A question I hear a lot at church is how we can invite people to church when all of the people around them already go to church? I've been trying to think of an answer and I've found one and boy what an answer:

Missional is not an event we tack onto our already busy lives. It is our life. Mission should be the way we live, not something we add onto life: “As you go, make disciples….”; “Walk wisely towards outsiders”; “Let your speech always be seasoned with salt”; “be prepared to give a defense for your hope”.

The writer then proceeds to share eight easy ways any of us can just be missional. Read it and be amazed.

Sunday Sermon- April 26, 2009

“So, Why did the Republican Buy a Prius?”

Genesis 1:1-25, John 1:1-14

Earth Stewardship Sunday

April 26, 2009

First Christian Church (Disciples of Christ)

Minneapolis, MN

It was on a Friday night twenty years ago, that I went to conference at a Lutheran church in Lansing, Michigan. I was a junior in college and part of a Baptist college group which had arrange for me and for others to attend this meeting. The subject of the event was a seminar on creation and evolution, or more to the point, how evolution was a lie that was designed to bring about a “liberal agenda” and that what happened in Genesis 1 , that God created in the earth in six, 24 hour days- really happened. They tried to use scientific means to try to prove this.

I didn’t know what to believe back then. I didn’t wholeheartedly accept what they were peddaling, but I knew that Genesis 1 was true to me.

Six months later, a few of my friends went down to a park in Lansing where there was an Earth Day celebration. It was the 20th anniversary of the first Earth Day in 1970, and being that I had an interest in caring for the environment, I went. I can say that I had a good time at that event, though I wasn’t planning on joining the people who dressed like hippies or were vegetarians.

Those two experiences left me wondering how one can be a Christian and care for the environment. I thought it was important, but people around me thought the environmental movement was filled with people who would take one away from God. I didn’t really buy that, but I didn’t see many people trying to connect our faith in God with love for God’s world.

Two decades later and we see that my question has been answered. We are honoring God’s creation today in worship and accross the nation and around the world, people of faith come together to seek ways to respect Creation.

But there is still a lot to do. The church needs to be a force that reminds the world that this is God’s world and we repent and change our ways.

But to do that, we need to understand why this is an issue of faith. Genesis 1 is perhaps one of the most well known texts, and yet it is the most misunderstood. For some, it is considered a true telling of how the world came to be. They treat it as science. Others see it as a silly tale that gets in the way of the real science. Now, I don’t think first chapter of Genesis is a scientific fact. It just isn’t. But if we are followers of Jesus, we can’t ignore either. So, then what does this passage have to say to us? What does it have to say about caring for the environment?

What Genesis 1 and John 1 for that matter, is that God created this world around us. At the beginning of time, before there was even a world that existed, God was there and God started creating. In one of the stories in the Chronicles of Narnia by C.S. Lewis, Aslan, the mighty lion which represents God, creates Narnia, by singing. Science and evolution has its place in describing how the world came into being, but this story is a poem, a love song that shows how God lovingly creates the stars, the seas and the animals. This isn’t some scientific text, but a love note. When we read this text, we are reminded that God loves the world, the whole world. This is what Genesis 1 says, “I am love with you.”

You see that behind me, there is a cross with flowers on it. The flowering of the cross is an ancient Easter tradition. It symbolizes life coming from death. Easter isn’t simply about Jesus coming back from the dead. It is about the healing of all of creation. Jesus, the Son of Man, which in Hebrew is adam, which is in itself a taken from the Hebrew word adamah or earth, is the one that not only brings humanity and God back together though his life,death and ressurection, but he heals the rift brought on by the first Adam, when he and Eve decided that those apples on that Tree of Life would mae a good apple pie. Jesus, Adamah, heals creation. The curse of the first Adam is gone.

So what does this have to do with us and the environment? Well, it’s this: if God created this world in love, if God in Jesus lived, died and rose again to heal creation, then what is our response?

When people start to talk about the environment, one can at times feel a sense of dread. Someone that is shaming us for not paying attention to the environment and urging us to give up our 21 century lifestyles to go off and live in the woods.

I can understand that people want to highlight the importance of caring for the earth and because of growing problems like global warming, but I don’t think we should be urged to do good by being made to feel guilty. I think we should do things out of joy and not simply obligation.

So, how do we as Christians care for the environment. With joy! We do this, because God created the world in love. We were created in love. And in response, we love God back by caring for that which God made in love. It’s that simple.

Now, to do this, you don’t need to go and live in the woods eating nuts and berries. It’s simple little things that can make a big impact and can be a love letter to God. It might be using a cloth shopping bag, or a compact flourescent light bulb, or using cleaning supplies that are less harmful on the environment. There is a lot more one can do, but this is a small way of showing love to God and to God’s world. Think of it as a love letter back to God.

One of those “little things” include buying fuel efficient cars which leads me to that sermon title. Ummm, well I’m the guy that drives the Prius and yes, I am the Republican as well. I didn’t bring up my political persuasion to endorse a candidate or to make you all vote a certain way, but to prove a point: caring for the environment is not a hippy liberal thing. It is not as the man at the seminar twenty years ago believed a way to bring on some wacky left wing agenda. No, caring for the environment is a moral and spiritual issue. We can disagree on how to best deal with it in our halls of government, but we as followers of Jesus, it is our issue. This is our God’s world to not care for it, to not acknowledge God’s love of all of creation is....well it’s being an ingrate. God has shown God’s love for us and when we don’t honor God’s creation, we spurn God’s love.

Can one be a Christian and care for the earth? Well, if you have to ask...

Thanks be to God, for the sun and the moon and the trees and the mountains and all of God’s creation. Amen.

Is Autism a Difference or Disorder?

Blogger Freddie DeBoer busts a gut today in explaining that autism is not a difference, but a disorder that needs to be cured. Here is just a sample:

Let’s not mince words: autism is not just a difference. Autism is not a category of diversity that has to be respected. Autism is a disorder, one which medical science should work towards curing. If you’d like to use the more inflammatory language, rather than cure, we can use “eliminate”. Autism has debilitating effects on many that have it, often with profound negative consequences for learning, self-control, communication, and the restraint of physical violence. I cannot personally comprehend the emotional toll of dealing with autism in a family– nor can I understand the depth and love found within the relationships between families with autistic members. The value of autistic people or the relationships austic people have are unquestionable. Who would want to question such things? But there is something wrong, and deeply sad, in eliding a love and respect for the people and relationships that are affected by autism into a respect for the disorder. Autistic people are beautiful. Autism is not beautiful.

Like Mr. De Boer, there was a part of me that used to not like the whole "differently abled" tag. And I don't necessarily have a problem with the word "disabled" if it means that people have lost the function of their legs or body. But that said, since I discovered that I have Aspergers, which is on the autism spectrum, I have had less desire to see myself as "broken" and in need of a cure. I don't think that I need to be cured as much as accomodated. I would tend to see it as a disorder, but one that has to be managed, not "cured."

What bothers me is that DeBoer doesn't seem to acknowledge that there are people with autism that are living full lives as adults. There are negative consquences, but there are also positive ones as well (witness Temple Grandin).

Frankly, I wished DeBoer would have chatted with people who have autism instead of making these sweeping assumptions.

I am curious what others think. How would you respond?

Donkeys, Elephants and the Body of Christ

As many of you know, I work full time for the Presbytery of the Twin Cities Area as their communications person. It's from here that I can observe another denomination as it makes it way trying to follow God. What has been so interesting is seeing how people in the denomination sort themselves into affinity groups; conservatives joining groups like the Presbyterian Coalition and liberals joining groups like the Covenant Network. In some way, there is very little talking between the two groups. Even the churches are sorted into liberal and convervative churches with very few in the middle.

I could be all smug and say that we Disciples aren't like that, but then I'd be lying which is a bad thing. In fact in many cases, Christians are starting to mirror the wider culture in that we have sorted ourselves into places where we are with other like minded people. That's something that bothers me for several reasons.

One reason is that as mainline Protestant churches become more politically liberal, I find myself more and more of an outlier because my politics tend to skew right of center. In the olden days, I would have been called a Rockefeller Republican, and for the most part I tend to vote Republican with exceptions. But the churches where I have worshipped and worked at tend to skew left of center and tend to be vocal about it, which can make me feel uncomfortable.

But if you think I'm going to flee into the arms of a more conservative church, you would be wrong. Since I am openly gay, and most conservative churches don't like that, I don't think I'm going to be darkening their doors anytime soon. And to be honest the mainline churches do have some good points, if they would just stop making me feel I've just attended an Obama rally.

No, I want to remain in the mainline church because I want to be a witness for true diversity, to really reflect the body of Christ. I hear a lot of talk in the churches about community and diversity, but if everyone around you thinks the same and has a similar lifestyle, I don't know how diverse we really can be. Maybe I'm being an idealist, but I really believe we are called to be an example to the world, and in such a world as ours that is so divided, we need an example of people who might not always get along- well, getting along as sisters and brothers in Christ.

Presbyterian blogger Michael Kruse has been doing a series based on the book the Big Sort, by Bill Bishop. In this book (which I have yet to read) Bishop notes that over the last 40 years or so, America has been sorting itself ideologically, with liberals congregating in one place and conservatives in another and really never communicating with each other. In a post today, Kruse focuses on the church and how we tend to segregate. Kruse is focusing on the religious left, but one could say the same of religious conservatives. This is his note on mainline congregations:

Many (mainline churches)now gather around a collection of social justice causes (with politically left solutions), gay inclusion, or being green. I find that many of these congregations and their denominations hold themselves out to be ecumenical and to be seeking diversity, yet the only partners they seek out are those who also share these values and share a similar politically left orientation toward societal transformation. Ironically, embrace of “ecumenism” and “diversity” has become one more social segment around which to create a politically left homogenous community. And not being politically left means (in their eyes) you are opposed to God’s mission of societal transformation.

“Churches were once built around a geographic community, [Martin] Marty said. Now they are constructed around similar lifestyles.” (173) Bishop points to Martin Luther King’s observation that 11 o’clock on Sunday morning is the most racially segregated hour of the week and declares that now it is also the most politically segregated as well. He isn’t suggesting that most people look for a political position held by the congregation but rather they are looking for a church that comports will with their lifestyle; and political views correlate highly with lifestyle factors.

I think Kruse is correct here. I remember back in the 80s when some evangelical churches started bill themselves as "conservative." Now we see mainline congregations using words like "progressive" or "liberal." In short the church has followed politics: with "red" and "blue" churches.

But if churches are no more than extensions of the current red-blue split, then what is our witness in the world? Does the church become nothing more than a cheerleader or chaplain for their respective teams? Are we just enabeling the echo chamber that has been created in American life, where liberals and conservatives can read blogs, watch TV channels and go to church without ever seeing someone with a different outlook on life?

I don't have an answer for this. All I know is that I want to remain in my own creative tension with my liberal parishoners and fellow pastors. Because in the end, I need to hear them and they need to hear me. They are my sisters and brothers and I am theirs.

Maybe in the end the church isn't supposed to be a comfortable club, but a community of creative tension.

Are Mainline Churches Like Detroit?

I've been wondering lately if there is anything in common with Mainline Protestant Churches and the American Auto Industry.

Having been ordained in a mainline denomination, working for a church going through change and having two parents who spent years working for General Motors has made me thing there are similarities in the two.

With the onset of the financial crisis, Detroit is having to face its problems in a big way. The Big Three had their heyday in the 50s and 60s, building large cars that Americans purchased like crazy. Gas was cheap and the foreign automakers were not as present on the road.

All that changed in the 70s. The gas crises of that era caught Detroit flatfooted. People started looking for more fuel efficient cars. Japan started showing its muscle as people looked to Toyota and Honda for cheap and efficient cars.

Detroit decided to make changes. But in some cases the changes were small and not major. People complained about the quality of the cars and started abandoning domestic automakers. Detroit kept making small changes, a badge engineering here, a plant closing there, but never made the big costly changes.

The late 90s brought the SUV craze and Detroit went big guns over it. The Big Three were now flushed with cash and the good times were rolling in. The Asian automakers, no joined by the Korean upstarts like Huyndai, also built SUVs, but they also kept selling small cars to people who wanted them.

The gas started getting more expensive. First $2, then $3, then $4 per gallon. It got too crazy to spend so much in gas for an SUV that got 12 miles to the gallon. People started to look to small cars. Again, Detroit came up short. It had spent years neglecting its cars, so when people came looking for more efficient cars, Detroit had few.

Finally, the credit crisis hit. Banks weren't lending which meant, people couldn't buy cars. Two of the Big Three stand on the edge of oblivion.

Like Detroit, the heyday for Mainline churches was in the 50s and 60s. Christianity had a big place in American culture. People went to church, and the sancutaries were full. But things changed in the 60s. Other religions came to the fore. Also, all those "blue laws" that closed stores on Sunday, vanished. Going to church was only one option of many.

Like Detroit, the mainline churches made some small changes, a renewal movement here, a new youth program there, but they weren't willing to see how the times had changed around them.

The mainline churches as a whole aren't at the point where Detroit is, yet. But I think the problems are similiar: we are trying to pretend it's still 1958. We think that if we make a few changes, then everything will be as it was. But the problem is that we can't go back to 1958- not for cars or for churches. America is not the place it was 50 years ago. We have changed as nation and both institutions have to learn to change.

But that change is hard. It means giving up things that have been tried and true. For a company like GM, it means letting go of some storied brands like Buick (where my Dad worked). For churches it means things like giving up the way we've done worship, or learning to welcome gays and lesbians when that was even on the radar years ago.

But the thing is, for both the auto companies and the churches, you either have to make meaningful change, or die. I think for both we are way past the point of small change.

Change requires a leap of faith, a belief that in the end, God there with open arms waiting to catch us. For the church, we have to be willing to trust, not in practices and memories of the past, but in God; knowing that God is always with us.

Who would ever have thought my love of cars and love of the church and God would ever combine. :)

Trees and Forests

One of the things that makes a bit different than most people is the fact that I see the trees instead of the forest. It's a common trait of those with autism: we tend to focus on parts of something rather than the whole.

In the day to day life that plays itself out in many ways. I and someone else might look at a certain situation and I will come away focused on one aspect of the encounter and think everything is okay, while someone else takes in everything and believes the situation is grave.

I sometimes wonder if this happens in my role as a minister. The church where I am the Associate is a church that I was a member of once, a decade ago. I had heard the stories of a church mired in its glorious past, but in the past six months, I've seen small signs of a church wanting to change. None of these are big moves, but baby steps that in some ways are farther than I expected this congregation to go.

But, then I wonder: Am I missing the big picture? Am I not seeing the whole story which might be worse than I can imagine?

I don't know. I think at times there are advantages to being able to only see parts instead of a whole, because some times we are so busy looking at the forest that we fail to see the small plant that is slowly but surely growing. And of course, there are advantages to seeing the whole picture and see that while I'm enjoying that new plant, there is a wolf nearby that sees me as lunch.

I think the congregation faces some challenges down the road, but I think there is some hope in there as well. I will use the odd gift that I have to see the hope springing forth, and I will be thankful for those who can also see the whole forest instead of just one tree. God knows we are both needed.

I Don't Like Change.

I got a call today that just bugged me. It was from the admin of a center that helps pastors deal with vocation issues. Part of the thing here is that you have to spend a day and a half away from work at this center taking different psychological tests.

That part alone bugs me, because it means that I have to be taken away from my routine, which is to go to work. In fact, it could be why I have delayed making an appointment.

Change has always been rough for me. Shortly after my diagnosis, my partner got a call from his brother indicating that his wife was in labor. Daniel was happy and ready to head back to Fargo. I was initially freightened. We had just come back from the North Dakota the night before and I had planned my day at work and now this was all being thrown out. After I calmed down, we were able to head out to Fargo.

So, back to this appointment. I also have to take some tests prior to going and I guess some of them have to be taken at the center before the other testing days. So, not only do I have to be away from my routine for two days, but I have to take another day away and most of all no one told me about this.

I know that I probably sounded pissed when I chatted over the phone and I was. For those who aren't autistic, this is probably a no-brainer, but for someone like me, it can send me through the roof. I have to learn to calm myself down and not get so upset.

Change of course is a part of life, but it isn't easy for me. Several years ago I my roomate and best friend started dating a guy that became his husband. It really bothered me, not out of jealousy, but because everything changed. We had bought a house together and I had that planned in my mind, and we had a history of hanging out together and then all that changed. He wasn't around to go places or to go grocery shopping or things like that and I was just bereft.

My partner sometimes says "I am getting ready to do something spontaneous." It's sounds silly, but at least then I can deal and prepare for change.

But that's not how life operates all the time.

When I Was a Child....

In my investigation of all things Aspergers, one of the things I've discovered is this sense among aspies of a child-like nature.

In six months, I hit the big 4-0. And yet, I don't feel like I'm an almost 40 year old. I mean, that I act like a big kid at times. This shouldn't be confused with acting childish, but more having some of the same qualities that make little children so adobrable.

It seems that I am not the only one who doesn't seem to act his age:

When I look at myself in the mirror, I find this much more difficult to gauge. I tend to see someone younger than me looking back at me.

I wonder if this is because I don’t feel thirty five years old?

I’ve never really felt like an adult. Adults act in a certain way - with a certain type of maturity. I suspect to a degree I judge the age of other people based on how they act as well as how they look. And as I don’t act the way a thirty five year old does, perhaps that’s why I don’t see a thirty five year old looking back at me from the mirror.

Do any of you also experience this strange sort of age dislocation?

(raises hand) I do, I do!

This makes me wonder: what is it that makes persons with Aspergers have a child-nature? What's going on in our noggins?

Well, I'm off to get on a seesaw. ;)

Sexuality and the Aspie

Gavin Bollard, an Austrailian aspie that I follow has a good post today on sexuality and the teenager with Aspergers. For me, it brought back a lot of memories that make sense in light of my diagnosis.

It took me a long time to want to bear any skin. I would button my shirt up all the way and had a hard time wearing shorts or tank tops. In some ways, I still do have issues. On a recent trip to Argentina, my partner thought nothing of wearing shorts everyday. Me? Not so much. When it's hot out, I will wear them, but it's more of a last resort than anything else.

In many ways, I was on the very uptight end of the spectrum when it came to sexuality. Slowly but surely, I have become a bit more relaxed, but that more restrictive nature still has its residues.

Sunday Sermon- March 22, 2009

“First Aid”

Numbers 21: 4-9, John 3:14-21, Ephesians 2:1-10

March 22, 2009 (Fourth Sunday in Lent)

First Christian Church

Minneapolis, MN

As some of you know, I just got back from a trip to Buenos Aires, Argentina. My partner Daniel, tends to get cabin fever around late February, early March and somehow, we end up going somewhere. This year, it was to the land of good steaks and the tango. It was an awesome trip and I got to use my Spanish a lot.

We spent a lot of time visiting the different barrios of this immense city. One day, we went to the Plaza de Mayo which is akin to our National Mall. It is a small plaza that is in front of the Casa Rosada, or Pink House, which is the Argentine version of the White House. In the Plaza were several graffiti renditions of a white scarf shaped as if it were worn by someone. This represented los Madres, the mothers and grandmothers of those who had been “dissapeared” by the military during la Guerra Sucia or “Dirty War.” Between 1976 and 1su983, Argentina was ruled by a military dictatorship. The military decided to get rid of anyone that was deemed a threat and this included intellectuals, artists and political activists. Thousands were dragged into Ford Falcons and never seen again.

The mothers and grandmothers of those who had been taken decided to stage a protest in the Plaza de Mayo to demand justice. Los Madres kept protesting long after the military went back to their barracks and democracy was restored, seeking answers and demanding that those responsible for human rights abuses be punished.

Los Madres stopped their protests in 2006 in response to the government’s willingness to overturn amnesty laws. But this painting was a reminder of their bravery and something else: here in this wonderful city, there was a reminder that all was not well, even in paradise.

The texts today all deal in some way with the cross. In some ways, that shouldn’t be surprising: I mean, we are in Lent and on a journey that will take Jesus to the cross. But today, it seems all out in the open. We can’t run from it. Here is the cross in all its ugliness.

It’s kind of odd that we Christians use the cross as our symbol. It’s a symbol of death and a rather grizzly death. Some Christians have wondered why we even use such a symbol.

The cross can also be a reminder to us that things are not well in world. Like the symbol of Los Madres, it reminds us that in this world there is injustice and sin. People use each other, hurt each other and the rest of God’s creation. It reminds us that we are not okay, that we hurt each other. All is not well.

But that isn’t the whole story. In the story in Numbers which Jesus tells again in John, we a reminded that the cross can also bring healing and salvation. The story in Numbers tells us that the Israelites were complaining to Moses about the lot in life. God heard their complaints and sends poisonious snakes to come and torment the Israelites. They come to Moses again, this time pleading to get rid of the snakes. God hears the cries of the Israelites and tells Moses to make a golden serpent and place it on a pole. If any Israelite who was bitten, looked up at the golden serpent, then they would be healed.

Jesus uses this old story to make a point in his conversation with Nicodemus, the religious leader who came late at night to chat with him over coffee. Just as God used the golden snake to heal the Israelites, then so to would the Son of God be lifted up to heal creation. Nicodemus didn’t understand that, and I think most of us would have scratched our heads as well. Jesus was referring to his death on the cross. Jesus would be the golden serpent, the antidote to the state of the world.

What does this mean for us as a community of faith? I think it reminds us that in our daily lives and in the lives of our friends, we deal with snakes and crosses, those things that cause hurt and pain. In this current environment, many of us know someone that is dealing with a job loss or a home being foreclosed- it might even be the case that we are the one dealing with such a crisis. We face these snakes and crosses that bring a death of some kind. We may even wonder where God is to prevent us from facing these snakes. We and our friends walk around with the hurts and wounds of life. Sin, the separation of humanity from God and each other, still seems to reign. Sometimes we hide our hurts and pains from each other and pretend that everything is okay. Even in church, we tend to hide our pains, not wanting to burden others.

But the good news is that God works through what seems to be an instrument of death to bring life and healing. Just as the Israelites were able to find healing by looking at the golden serpent, we find healing, salvation through Jesus on the cross.

John 3:16 is probably the most well known verse in the Bible. “For God so loved the world...” is how it begins. God loves all of creation. God loves us. All of us. And God shows God’s love by coming in the form of a human named Jesus, who lived among us and died for us. God brought healing to the world.

God has healed us, all of us. The cross remind us that not only that something is not right in the world, but that God is doing something about this. As a community of faith, we are called to go and tell people that they are loved by God. There is nothing that they have to do to earn God’s love, because it is by God’s grace that they are loved. We have a story to tell.

We also have a job to do. Just as God brought healing to the world, we are called to be a people that not only tells the story of God’s healing love, but also be a community of healers...wounded healers as the late Henri Nouwen used to say. This faith community, First Christian has lived a life in the shadow of a cross. The congregation was that was once large, is now not so large. We have wondered if the congregation could continue. But even in the midst of the crosses that have taken place in the life of this congregation, we have also seen acts of healing. We give space to two other congregations: Tiempo Nuevo and the Spirit of St. Stephens, showing hospitality to people who might be new to the area or who have been cast out of churches. We have opened up our space to the Twin Cities Gay Men’s Chorus to give them space to practice. Churches have not always been friendly to gay and lesbian folk, but we have welcomed them in a sign of hospitality. We opened our doors to the world on election day, providing cookies and coffees to voters as they performed their democratic duties. In the midst of our own crosses, we have provided healing. We are called to follow God’s example and go and love the world, with all of its blemishes and join in God’s work of healing. We do that when we care for the poor, as we have on Food Pantry Sunday. We do that when we try to welcome those who enter our doors, be they black or white or Latino or of Arab descent; be they straight or gay, rich or poor.

Some of you might remember long ago when I first joined First Christian, I came down down with a severe infection that placed me in the hospital for two weeks. I had lost a lot of weight, couldn’t eat , I was in all around bad shape. Fluid had built up around my lungs making it hard to breathe. As a way to aid in my healing, the doctors decided to cut open a small slice in my stomach to get a catheter in that would drain the fluid in my lungs. It was not fun trying to get that thing in. Today on my right side is a scar from that incident. That procedure brought a lot of pain, but the scar reminds me that it also brought hope: it helped in making me better, taking away the fluids that were keep me from breathing.

We opened the service singing the hymn, “Lift High the Cross.” The chorus goes like this:

“Lift high the cross,

the love of Christ proclaim

till all the world adore

his sacred Name.”

A instrument of death brings life instead. Funny how God works. Let us life up the cross as a reminder of God’s love for the world and let us tell the story. Let us bring healing, First Aid to a world that needs healing. Amen.

Rev. Tinman

One of my favorite episodes of Star Trek is one that comes from the Next Generation series called "Tinman." The episode features a Betazoid named Tam Elbron. Tam a little odd in that unlike other Betazoids who are all telepathic, he is not only telepathic, but super-telepathic. He can't shut out the other voices he hears and it nearly drives him insane.

I've been thinking about that episode in the wake of my Aspergers diagnosis. Every Sunday, I go to church and assist in worship. When I come home, I'm exhausted. Mentally, it is quite hard being "on" all the time, having to process all these people. Other days, when I am in the office, or working at home or a coffeeshop, I don't feel as drained as I do on Sundays.

It's not that I hate being around people. But being an Aspie Pastor can mean having to be out there a lot and that can be incredibly draining.

I'm wondering if anyone else has felt this way. (You don't have to be a pastor to have felt this.)

One Track Mind

One of the things that I've noticed is how I can only handle about one thought at a time. Let me explain.

Recently I had a meeting with the Senior Pastor where he asked me to work with the office manager on getting a music license for the church. I had in my mind one company that handles this and immediately told the office manager to look into this. Later that evening, I reported to the worship committee that I had signed up with the one company.

"Did you sign up with Company B?" the Senior Pastor asked.

For a split second, I thought that nothing was said about looking into the other company. He never talked about it, and anyway I had in my mind Company A. So, I called the office manager to work on getting us hooked up to Company B.

I am wondering if this is an Aspie trait: being single minded and not being able to handle more than one thought at a time. There have been many occasions where I hear something and focus on one part of it instead of the whole thing.

I know that people with Autism tend to focus on parts rather than the whole and that might be what's going on here. I had in my mind one company, not two.

I need to do more research, but this reminds me of the need to WRITE EVERYTHING DOWN.

Blogs, Pastors and Aspergers

For a while, I've been struggling with the idea of talking about Aspergers on this blog since it's supposed to be the blog where I talk about faith and being a pastor and all that. Maybe it's seeing all the other pastor types who have blogs that are talking about all these weighty theological things, and here I am talking about how I hate to use the phone or why I have to use lists to remember to call my parents or get a card for Daniel.

But the thing is, my journey with Aspergers IS tied up with my vocation. Some of the slip-ups that happened early on in my call were the result of missing social cues from others- well, that and basically dealing with some people who were complete a-holes.

And frankly, one of the things that I've noticed from pastors is that we rarely share what is going on with us. I have seen pastors who were dealing with depression and they never were willing to admit it to themselves, let alone the congregation. For some reason, pastors seem to think that they have to be perfect and never share their own hurts and weaknesses.

On a few occasions, I've shared with people in the congregation that I have Aspergers. It's not that I want to get sympathy. But part of me wants to share that this is who I am: an openly gay pastor who also has an autistic disorder. No hiding, no pretending that somehow I am some religious superhero.

I'm not defective, I just operate on a different frequency than others.

So, I guess I will keep talking about Aspergers and being a pastor. It's who I am.

Blogging Thoughts

I've been thinking lately about setting up another blog that deals with aspergers and get this one back on track to being soley on faith stuff (though I might talk about where faith and autism intersect).

What do others think?

Sunday Sermon- February 1, 2008

“The Devil and Rev. Sanders”
Mark 1:21-28, Dueteronomy 18:15-20
February 1, 2009
First Christian Church
Minneapolis, Minnesota


About a year ago, an interesting indie movie came out called “Lars and the Real Girl.” The story was about a young man named Lars who was a bit of an odd duck. He was incredibly shy, never really connecting with people, especially his brother and sister-in-law. His sister in law tried as hard as she could to bring him out of his shell, but he remained in his little house just off of the larger house where his brother lived.


One day, a UPS truck arrives at Lars’ small house. Shortly thereafter, he goes to his brother’s house to exclaim that he had found a wonderful girl and wanted to introduce her to them. The couple are excited at the news and get to creating a good meal.


The next thing we see if Lars’ girlfriend, Bianca. The thing is Bianca isn’t that animated. She’s kinda plastic. Remember that package that arrived at Lars’ house? Well, the package contained Bianca, a life-sized doll. So, Lars had brought a doll to have dinner with his family. Lars described her as a missionary from Brazil. Of course, his sibiling and his wife were astounded and thought that Lars had gone off the deep end. The brother runs to the town psychologist seeking help. Dr. Dagmar decided that what was best was to play into Lars’ fantasies and treat Bianca as if she was real person.


As what happens in a small town, word got around and the church council got together to decide what to do. After all, what was going to happen with Lars tooling around town with a giant doll? After much debate, the pastor finally asked the question, what would Jesus do?


The response of the town was to treat Bianca just like Lars did- as a real person. So, we have images of Bianca going shopping with the girls and getting her hair done and all the rest. The town learned to accept Bianca as one their own and in the end, they accepted Lars who was coming out of his self-imposed isolation.


As I was preparing for this sermon, a theme that seemed to come out from my studies were the concepts of exclusion and inclusion. I can’t speak for others, but those two topics have always been important to me for several reasons. First of course, is as an African American. It wasn’t that long ago that people who looked like me were excluded from parts of American society including the church. We are progressing as Americans, as African Americans are more and more being included in society, yes even in the White House. But of course the sin of racism is still around and there is still some work to do. The second reason this is important for me is as a gay man. Life can be challenging for gays and lesbians, and sadly, the church has not always done a good job of welcoming us. I am thankful that I have found communities where I am accepted for who I am as a child of God, but there are many who still stay away from churches bearing scars of the past pains of exclusion. The there is the fact that I also have what might be considered a disability. Last year, I was diagnosed with Aspergers Syndrome which is a form of autism. The diagnosis was an answer to years of misunderstanding that affected my calling as a pastor. But it also present me with questions to how I would be accepted in church and made me aware of how those with differing forms of autism are treated in faith communities.


The gospel story today has much to do with how we exclude and welcome those who are different. Jesus is in the synogogue teaching and the faith community is amazed. He isn’t teaching like all the other scribes, who taught based on precedent and tradition, he teaches with an authority that comes from himself. In the midst of this teaching, a man with what the text says is an “unclean spirit” starts to make a commotion. We don’t know what this man had, but we do know that he is ill. But notice they didn’t say that. The writer said he has an unclean spirit. Because of the ritual laws concerning cleanliness, this means this man was separated from the larger faith community. He was not clean, so he was not part of the larger body. In some sense, he wasn’t supposed to be at the synogogue. For whatever reason, he was there and the spirits inside of him could see Jesus and decided to taunt him.


Jesus would have none of this. He orders the spirit to come out of the man and the unclean spirit did. The people were astounded. If someone was unclean, it meant having to do something to make oneself clean. But if you had an illness, like an unclean spirit or leprosy, you were pretty much out of luck. But Jesus took the impossible and made it possible. Jesus was able to make the impossible, possible.


Is this story about demons and evil spirits? In a way, yes. There are spirits out there that feast on fear, making us scared of each other and putting up walls to “protect” us. It happens in the wider society, of course, but it also happens in the church. The church in the United States has a sad history of excluding African Americans from worshipping in the same space with whites. The church has also sadly excluded people who were gay from being in churches. But the fact is, it doesn’t stop there. We are all at times fearful of dealing with someone who different from us. Maybe it is someone who has a mental illness, or a homeless person. Sometimes we just want to ignore these people and hope they go away. I will admit, I’ve felt that way and you probably have too at times as well. The spirits that kept this man from being part of the synogogue still is up to its old tricks, trying to make sure that people are kept out, excluded.


But the good news is that we have a friend in Jesus. It is in Jesus name that the spirits who work on exclusion have already lost. It is by Christ’s death on the cross, that the power of sin has been broken, it just doesn’t know that yet.


This means that in faith we can work toward learning to include everyone- finding ways to let people know that they are loved by the God of all Creation, and by us as well.


My Lutheran friends sometimes comment on having a “Theology of the Cross.” It basically means seeing the life of a Christian though Christ’s death on the cross. There much here that is good, but I think that we Disciples have our own theology. I like to call it the Theology of the Table. One of the founders from our Restoration heritage had this to say about the act of communion:


The Theology of the Table means having a theology that is centered at the communion table where we are all equal. It is the place where we share each others burdens and as Campbell says we are “mutually embraced.”


Trying to be inclusive of others is not easy and I don’t think it is something where we “arrive.” We are constantly working at it and falling back, but knowing that we are forgiven, we strive onward, to day by day become God’s people.


There is a tale told about former Archbishop Desmond Tutu. I have no idea if it is true, but I like it. It took place during the struggle against aparthied in South Africa. He and others were protesting and he sees a group of white South African policemen. He shouts to them that they have already lost, so they should come over to their side and join them.


At the time, Nelson Mandela was still in jail. The aparthied government maintained an iron grip on black South Africans. And yet, Tutu believed that the battle had been won. The spirits of division were in retreat; they just didn’t know it yet.


May we be a community that learns to be hospitable to those of might seem different. May God forgive us when we fall short and give the stregth to carry on. Thanks be to God, Amen.

Waiting for the Ax to Fall

It's been nearly three months on the job as the Associate and so far, so good. It has been a pleasant experience.

At least it should be.

You see, at times old tapes play in my mind. If I make a mistake, I keep waiting for someone to chew me out, to yell at me for crossing some line or stepping on someone's toes.

I think this because it has happened before and the repeated experiences left me feeling at times like a scared puppy.

But nothing like this has happened at the church so far. Part of that comes from knowing more about myself. In the past, I would charge in and do something, which would then end up pissing people off because I had crossed some invisible boundary that I didn't know existed. I think it was that Aspie trait of lack of common sense that would get me in trouble. But lately, I've been more willing to take my time and ask people questions before just doing something.

But the other half might just be finding grace in church. The other day I grumbled about forgetting something, beating myself up for being so stupid. "That's okay," the Senior Pastor said. "We're all human."

It's funny that sometimes the place where we find the least grace is in church. But in many of my experiences over the years, church is the last place where one can be human and live under grace. So, it was shocking to hear grace being bestowed on me...in a church.

That doesn't mean that I don't deal with fear. But maybe over time, I can trust that there is grace, both here and in heaven.

Maintenance V. Mission (the Rerun)

Someone at church was interested in the following blog post from late July of 2008, so I decided to post it again.

I stumbled upon this blog post and thought to share it. I see a lot of this happening in some churches I know. I will blog more about this later.

1. In measuring its effectiveness, the maintenance congregation asks, “How many visitors have we attracted?” The missional congregation asks, “How many members have we sent?”

2. When contemplating some form of change, the maintenance congregation says, “If this proves upsetting to any of our members, we won’t do it.” The missional congregation says, “If this will help us bless and touch someone outside of our faith community, we will take the risk and do it.”

3. When thinking about change, the majority of members in a maintenance congregation ask, “How will this affect me?” The majority of members in the missional congregation ask, “Will this help align our activities around the missio dei — the mission of God?”

4. When thinking of its vision for ministry, the maintenance congregation says, “We have to be faithful to our past.” The missional congregation says, “We have to be faithful to our future.”

5. The pastor in the maintenance congregation says to the newcomer, “I’d like to introduce you to some of our members.” In the missional congregation the members say, “We’d like to introduce you to our pastor.”

6. When confronted with a legitimate pastoral concern, the pastor in the maintenance congregation asks, “How can I meet this need?” The pastor in the missional congregation asks, “How can we meet this need?”

7. The maintenance congregation seeks to avoid conflict at any cost (but rarely succeeds). The missional congregation understands that conflict is the price of progress, and is willing to pay the price. It understands that it cannot take everyone with it. This causes some grief, but it does not keep it from doing what needs to be done.

8. The leadership style in the maintenance congregation is primarily managerial, where leaders try to keep everything in order and running smoothly. The leadership style in a missional congregation is primarily transformational, casting a vision of what can be, and marching off the map in order to bring the vision into reality.

9. The maintenance congregation is concerned with their congregation, its organizations and structure, its constitutions and committees. The missional congregation is concerned with the culture, with understanding how secular people think and what makes them tick. It tries to determine their needs and their points of accessibility to the Gospel.

10. When thinking about growth, the maintenance congregations asks, “How many Christians, who aren’t currently members, live within a twenty-minute drive of this church?” The missional congregation asks, “How many unreached people groups live within a twenty-minute drive of this church?”

11. The maintenance congregation looks at the community and asks, “How can we get these people to come to our church?” The missional congregation asks, “How can we go and be engaged with these people?”

12. The maintenance congregation thinks about how to save their congregation. The missional congregation thinks about how to plant new missional communities to extend the Kingdom of God.

Life As A Puzzle

Last night, as I was sitting in a church board meeting, the senior pastor noted that most of us tend to think that life is linear- we make progress as we go along. But he thinks that in the church, life is more like a mosaic, like pieces coming together to form something.

As I thought about that, I started to think about my own life and my having Aspergers. Immediately what came to mind was a puzzle, or more exactly, the symbol used for Autism Awareness: ribbon that is also a puzzle of differing colors.

In some ways, such a symbol makes sense. For those who care for someone with an autistic-related disorder and even for the person themselves, life can be a puzzle. Things don't make sense. What we expect is not what happens.

For me, life has been a puzzle, especially before my diagnosis. I couldn't understand why life didn't work the way it was "supposed" to. I didn't understand why it was so hard to make friends or date or keep a job. Even after being diagnosed, there are still questions- more puzzles.

But I wonder if that's the way life is. Going back to the church, it can be so easy to expect that a church must progress along a line: do this and this will happen. Don't do this, this will happen and so on. But what if church life is actually a puzzle where we place on piece at a time and see if it fits. And then we try another piece. And another. And so on. Step by step, faith by faith.

And maybe that's it. Life as a mosaic or puzzle means that we have to have faith that it will work out. It means that in time the picture will become clear. It means we can step back and see the whole journey, all the missteps and successes and see it all.

Maybe what having Aspergers has taught me so far is that life is a puzzle. There will be things that don't make sense now, but maybe in time.

Autism Sunday

I happen to stumble accross this, but I guess there is a Sunday where churches can lift up those who have an Autism-related disorder. I am curious if there any churches or communities that have done something to help faith communities be mindful of those of us who have an autism spectrum disorder.

Aspergers in the Work-a-day World

Now that I know that I have Aspergers, a lot of questions have some answers.

My work history has been...well, interesting. It's not that I've been terrible, but it took until I was almost 40 to have a stable worklife. A lot that I can attribute to having Aspergers.

It manifested itself in my roles in the church, and in secular jobs. I floundered in jobs where there wasn't clear objectives or where the answer to a question had to be "how high?" instead of acutally answering the question.

I am reminded of this in reading the blog of a fellow aspie who as told that their job prospects aren't good.

In some cases there are limitations. I don't think I could ever be a Senior Pastor because it is too people intensive and way too political, something we Aspies aren't good at. But just because I'm limited doesn't mean that it's impossible. I think knowing is half the battle. Knowing that you have an Autistic Spectrum Disorder means that you have the power of knowledge instead of simply stumbling around in the dark trying to figure out what is wrong with you.

The thing is, there are employers that are willing to make accomdations for people with Autism. We aren't doomed. It's not easy, but we are not doomed.

At least that is what I keep telling myself.

New Look

So, you've noticed I've changed the look of the blog. It was time. The tagline has changed as well: "Not like the other pastors..."

What does that mean? Well, primarily it means that I am probably one of the few pastors that is on the autistic spectrum for one. And that I'm a slightly conservative (but definitely not fundamentalist) pastor in a politically liberal denomination. So, I am one odd duck.

And I happen to like that.

Anyway, I hope you enjoy the digs.